


Life on Delay

by SorchaCahill



Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect 2 - Fandom, Mass Effect 3 - Fandom
Genre: Adventure, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Drama, F/M, Science Fiction, some more than forceful language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-08
Updated: 2013-03-18
Packaged: 2017-11-11 16:47:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 37,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/480678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SorchaCahill/pseuds/SorchaCahill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years gone, Shepard returns, but a lot has happened and not everything is as she left it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Two Years Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank Seimaisin and Sister_Wolf for all their help and advice on this crazy adventure. You guys are the best!

_The boundaries which divide Life_

_from Death are at best shadowy_

_and vague. Who shall say where_

_the one ends, and where the other_

_begins?_

_\---Edgar Allan Poe_

"I want a bigger gun the next time we go up against one of those bastards."

"No arguments here Shepard. Some grenades would be nice too."

"Damn Garrus, you sure do know the way to a girl's heart." Olivia shot him a cheeky grin, grateful yet again that at least one of her squad, not forgetting Joker, was with her. She didn't trust Cerberus, and The Illusive Man even less, so having familiar, trusted faces around her went a long way.

It had been, an adjustment, to say the least, when she had awoken and discovered that not only was she not dead, but that two years had passed while she "slept." Her old crew was gone, dispersed to the far reaches of the Milky Way; some of them, one in particular, she couldn't even find a whisper of.

Her new crew was just as good, if a bit more unconventional than her last one. She knew they would do everything and more to stop the Collectors, but it wasn't the same. Not without -.

Olivia shook her head, forcing those thoughts out of her mind. She was still on a mission, still had a job to do. Anything else could -no, _had_ to wait.

"Shepard, I am detecting increased activity in the settlement. Without the Collector ship in range, the swarmers have dissipated and the remaining colonists appear to be waking up."

"Good to know EDI, thanks. Let's go find those colonists; maybe they can give us some more details about the attack and the Collectors."

"Yes, yes. Need to take readings. More data is needed. Would like to study, need to study."

"Just try not to bowl these people over with your enthusiasm, Mordin, these people -- oh my holy god."

Olivia felt the adrenaline high she had been riding kick her off and drop her into a black hole. Two years they had told her, two years had passed, but to her it was only a month ago.

 _Kaidan_.

Olivia watched as he crossed the courtyard, his long legs eating up the distance between them. He looked as she remembered him: strong, solid, real. But as she watched him draw near, she noticed that he was not, in fact, as she remembered him. His face was a mixture of wariness and caution; there was no sly grin, no grin at all actually. No, there was a seriousness and stiffness about him that was unnatural and so unlike him.

"Kaidan." She made to step forward to embrace him but held back at the last second, suddenly unsure and anxious.

"Commander Shepard."

Olivia blinked at the formal, almost curt reply and took a further step back. Always so sure on the battlefield but when it came to personal relationships, she was hopeless even in normal situations, and this was anything but normal.

"What are you doing here?"

"A question that you should be answering. I heard rumors, but I couldn't believe they were true. I see that they are. Not only are you alive, but you're working for Cerberus."

"I'm not working for them Kaidan."

"Really?" She saw his jaw tighten; saw the disbelief, the barely contained rage.

"I am not. They are a resource, nothing more. I need their resources to investigate the Collectors and how to stop them. They're the ones taking the human colonies Kaidan, you saw it for yourself. But it's more than that. Kaidan, the Reapers are behind it all and neither the Council nor the Alliance will do anything; the Council flat out refuses to believe that the Reapers are real and that they pose a significant threat to the whole galaxy if they're stopped. So, yeah, I'll take whatever resources I can get."

"If that's true, why didn't you go to the Alliance, to Anderson?"

"I did Kaidan and ran into the same problem. Anderson believes me, but the Council has tied his hands. He also hinted that I'm _persona non grata_ as far as the Alliance is concerned. The Council grudgingly gave me back my Spectre status so I can have free reign in my investigation, but they restricted me to the Terminus Systems. So, tell me Kaidan, what would you do if you were me?"

"I wouldn't have turned my back on everything I ever believed in. I'm an Alliance man, Commander, and I respect it too much despite its flaws to stoop to working for terrorists.

"And in all this, did it ever occur to you to send a message saying you were alive? You managed to let the Turian know; I guess I didn't even rate an email."

Olivia was struck dumb and speechless, totally unprepared for the viciousness of his attack. She couldn't believe this was happening. So many times she had envisioned their reunion, but this scenario had never entered her mind. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Garrus stiffen, his mandibles flaring with outrage, but she waved him back.

"I didn't know how to find you. None of your contact information was active. Even Anderson couldn't tell me how to reach you."

"Couldn't? Or wouldn't because of your connection to Cerberus? You've betrayed everything you once stood for."

He might as well have slapped her as he spit those words at her. Honestly, she would have rather he had done that instead. A punch would have hurt less.

"I would be dead, still dead, Kaidan if Cerberus hadn't put me back together. They may have done that, but I'm still me. I'm still the same person, the same person you --."

"It's been two years, Commander, two years. Things have changed."

Olivia had been about to reach out to him, to touch his hand, but his words froze her. She blinked heavily, wishing that she had kept her helmet on. That way no one would see the tears that were threatening to spill.

"Perhaps two years for you Kaidan, but for me it was only yesterday. For me nothing has changed," she said softly, acutely aware that Garrus was right behind her. Waves of hostility were battering her from both sides, tiring her more than the battle with the Collectors and Praetorian. Still, she knew that if she didn't do something, somebody was going to end up with bullets in them.

Kaidan eyed her coolly with a detachment that dug into her heart. Olivia searched his face, desperate for a glimmer of the man she loved, but there was nothing, nothing but a hard mask. Swallowing heavily, she stepped back, conceding ground to him. Unprecedented that. Commander Shepard was renowned for standing her ground, for holding the line.

"There's nothing I can say, is there, that will make you believe me. I'm sorry for that."

Olivia didn't wait for an answer. She turned away before she lost the battle against the tears pushing at her eyes, walking quickly back toward the shuttle.

"Mordin, get your samples and data wrapped up. We're heading back to the Normandy in ten." Olivia slapped at her comm link, signaling Joker. "Joker, prepare for our return; we're done here."

In her rush to get away, it didn't occur to her why Garrus didn't immediately follow her; didn't see him step up to Kaidan, or hear the words that happened between them. EDI would remedy that for her later, much to her dismay.


	2. Leave the Bottle

The starboard lounge wasn’t the best place to get drunk, but it seemed less pathetic than getting pissed faced alone in her cabin. She was still alone, but alone in a public area. That had to account for something.

Horizon. What a clusterfuck that had been. They had lost half the colony, discovered a new creepy species of Reaper, and Olivia’s past had come back to punch her in the face.

Goddamn Kaidan. How could he be so self-righteous? She had _died_ for fuck’s sake. It wasn’t like she had stolen a cruiser, taken his life savings, and slept with his best friend. No, all she was trying to do was stop the Collectors and find out what the Reapers were up to, and since the Alliance and the Council seemed disinclined to help, hell yes she was going to take advantage of the Illusive Man’s resources.

The Illusive Man. Olivia’s lip curled at the thought of the terrorist. No matter how much he proclaimed he was doing this for the betterment of humanity, she knew, _knew_ he had a bigger plan. Men like the Illusive Man always have a bigger plan. All she had to do was to figure out what it was and stop him.

Why couldn’t Kaidan have realized that? Why couldn’t he tell that she was using Cerberus just as much, if not more, than Cerberus was using her?

When did everything get so goddamn complicated?

Olivia’s hand curled tightly around her glass, contemplating the purplish liquid inside. She had forgotten what it was called, but it burned nicely on the way down and would hopefully help her sleep a sleep without dreams.

Goddamn him. His words had cut through her like that Collector ship’s beam had cut through the original _Normandy_. Logically Olivia admitted that her story was a bit hard to swallow at first, but so many of her companions had accepted her back with no questions. Why was Kaidan different? Why couldn’t he trust her?

Olivia tossed back the remaining contents of her glass and was reaching for the bottle when a familiar blue avatar blipped up from its panel.

“Shepard, I have data analysis from--.”

“EDI, no offense, but I don’t really give a flying fuck about any data analysis right now. It can wait until morning.”

It wasn’t often that the AI was rendered speechless, if such a thing could even happen to an AI, but somehow Olivia had managed it. At least temporarily anyway. Right now she was going to take her victories where she could.

“There is some important data from the Horizon mission that I do not believe can wait until morning Commander.”

Olivia groaned. She should have known that she wouldn’t be able to get rid of EDI that easily. She was beginning to have a deeper sympathy for what Joker was going through.

“What is it EDI that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?” And when I’m sober she silently added. She wanted to bang her head against the bar but thought better of it. Perhaps some scars would give it character, but Olivia didn’t want to deal with crew speculation as to how they got there. Gossip ran through a ship faster than most STDs.

“It appears that Mr Vakarian had a short, but rather intense conversation with Staff Commander Alenko after you left them and went back to the shuttle.”

That woke her up and drilled right through the drunk she was working on.

“He did what?” Each word rose in pitch and volume as she spoke and her voice bounced off the walls of the lounge. Olivia wouldn’t think of it until later, but she would be grateful for the _Normandy SR-2’s_ thick bulkhead.

“Mr Vakarian’s comlink was open throughout the conversation. I can replay it if you wish.”

Olivia could only make a gurgled squeak that sounded very unlike anything Commander Shepard would say. EDI apparently interpreted the noise as consent. As promised, the conversation was brief and almost entirely one-sided.

At first all Olivia heard was a rough scuffling, as if someone was scrambling backward. In her mind’s eye she could see Garrus grabbing Kaidan by the collar and hauling him up. Knowing the Turian as she did, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility. In fact, it was a damn certainty.

_“You dare to demonize her for using Cerberus resources Alenko? If so, you are going to have to demonize all of us: me, Joker, Dr Chakwas, and a couple of others. Or are you under the impression Cerberus has brainwashed all of us? Are you really that stupid?”_

_“Wait just a minute. The Commander shows up, alive, after two years and with_ Cerberus _. What am I supposed to think?”_

_“You know, Shepard woke up in a facility in the middle of a fire fight. She didn’t know where she was, who to trust. How do you think she responded when she found out that it was Cerberus that resurrected her? She fought her way out, just like she always does and hasn’t stopped questioning Cerberus’ motives and what the Illusive Man really wants._

_“She doesn’t trust Cerberus, nor do I or the others. We follow her because we believe in her, in what she’s doing. I personally think she’s better off without you and your sanctimonious ass. It really pisses me off that she loves such a jackass.”_

_“The Commander--.”_

_“Her name is Olivia Shepard, jackass. You managed to call her that once. Using her title to distance yourself is just pathetic.”_

_“It’s been two years--.”_

_“For you, not for her Alenko. And if you think for a moment that she didn’t try everything short of hacking the Alliance databases to find you, you’re even dumber than I thought. I would dearly love to revisit the First Contact War with you, but Shepard and I have bigger issues to deal with. And I’m not sure you’re worth the effort.”_

The recording cut off after that but not before Olivia heard what suspiciously sounded like Garrus head-butting Kaidan. Apparently the Turian had no qualms about adopting Krogan methods of aggression.

White fury raged through her but she wasn’t sure whom she wanted to direct it at. Garrus obviously thought he was looking out for her like any good partner would, but she didn’t think she could thank him for that. As for Kaidan, well, he wasn’t around for her to yell at.

The glass in her hand shattered, the shards slicing through her skin. Olivia looked down at the mixture of blood and alcohol seeping across the counter and wondered if it wasn’t a portent of things yet to come.

“Thank you EDI. I will follow up on that information. Destroy that recording.” Olivia didn’t want to think about why the AI had thought that she needed to hear what passed between Garrus and Kaidan on Horizon; such thoughts needed a clearer head... or maybe more alcohol, she couldn’t decide.

“Acknowledged.” A pause. “Shall I notify Dr Chakwas that you are coming to see her?”

Olivia looked down at her hand. The shards were deeply embedded in her palm and wouldn’t come out quietly. Funny that she didn’t feel any pain.

It would probably be better to let Chakwas have at her. She could take care of it herself, but she’d just get a scolding when she had to go to Chakwas anyway after she botched the job

“That’s probably a good idea. Thanks EDI.”

“Logging you out Shepard.”

Olivia took a deep breath and pushed herself away from the bar, pleased that she wasn’t swaying too much. Bad enough that she had to go get her hand fixed; but to be drunk on top of it? Nope. Not going to happen.

“Alright Shepard,” she told herself. “Get your shit together. Step one, get your hand fixed; step two: go kick a certain interfering Turian’s ass.”


	3. Eye of the Hurricane

Olivia would have marched right into the crew quarters as soon as Chakwas had patched up her hand, but when the good doctor casually mentioned that it was three in the morning, she realized that her chat with Garrus would have to wait. Instead she paced in her cabin, wishing not for the first time that the _Normandy_ had some type of gym. Perhaps beating the shit out of a boxing bag would help her release some of the pent up energy and emotions that were swirling within her.

She didn't deal well with things she couldn't control, and ever since she had woken up she felt as if she was living in a hurricane. It was like a force of nature, with everything pressing down on her at once. For once she yearned for some peace, for a place of calm.

Peace and calm were two things she was unlikely to experience anytime soon. If ever.

Sitting down at her desk she flicked through her messages. There wasn't much there, just the usual traffic she got in her inbox: requests for help, thanks from those she had helped, and a message from the Illusive Man mentioning something about some Cerberus scientists who had gone off the grid. After what had happened on Horizon and its aftermath, she was disinclined to help the Illusive Man with any "special" mission at the moment, but there was something about this Project Overlord that pinged in her brain.

There was something there. She couldn't put her finger on it, but it was there.

Whatever it was, it was gong to wait at least until 0700. There was a Turian on her crew that needed a dressing down first. Before she closed down the unit she saw the file sitting in the corner of the screen, the file that was locked down with her voiceprint. Olivia stared at it for a moment, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Fuck it," she grumbled as she open the file. 

"Kaidan I'm so fucking pissed at you right now I don't even know where to start..."

***

Olivia was near fuming by the time she finally tracked Garrus down. He seemed to be ghosting all over the ship. Floating between the armory (why the hell the Cerberus team had decided to put the armory on the same deck as the CIC, she would never know), the galley, engineering, and finally the Main Battery, he eluded her. She wasn't about to overhead page him and give him any warning. No, she preferred an ambush and using EDI to lock him in the Main Battery served her purpose well.

"Let me in EDI and keep this door locked until my say so."

"Acknowledged Commander."

The doors whooshed close behind her and Olivia heard the lock mechanism engage. Garrus stood with his back to her, tinkering with calibrations on the Thanix Canon.

"I have a bone to pick with you Vakarian."

"It would seem so since you just locked both of us in here."

"Don't get cute with me Garrus. You want to explain your actions on Horizon or are you going to make me beat it out of you. And at the moment I’m partial to the latter option."

"Any action in particular you had in mind?"

"Don't fuck with me Garrus. I know that you had words with Kaidan before we left Horizon."

"And so I did."

"Is that all you have to say on the matter? I don't appreciate you sticking your beak into my personal affairs. You had no right."

At this Garrus turned to face her, his mandibles flaring slightly. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared her down. If she were anyone else, the action would have been intimidating, but she was Commander fucking Shepard, not some juvenile delinquent on the Citadel, she wasn't going to let Garrus use his C-Sec interrogation techniques work on her.

"When your personal business can interfere with our mission, I believe that I have every right."

"Would you care to explain to me how that works? Because I'm absolutely fascinated by your logic here." The sentence came out as little more than a growl. She sincerely wanted to hit something or blow something up, that always seemed to make her feel better. However, Olivia wasn't one hundred percent sure that would be the case this time.

"Did you or did you not try to get blind drunk last night?"

"I fail to see how that is relevant."

Garrus continued as if she hadn't spoken. "And did you not visit Dr Chakwas in the middle of the night to get your hand fixed up?"

"How the hell do you know that?" she demanded, feeling color flush up her cheeks. If she had been a biotic she might have tossed him into a fully formed singularity right then and let him hang there for a while.

"You're not the only one EDI talks to."

"I knew it was a mistake to keep an AI on board," she grumbled, wanting very much to toss a couple of grenades into EDI's AI core. She was going to have to have a chat with the AI regarding meddling in the crew’s affairs.

"Look Shepard, I've been with you since damn near the beginning of this whole thing, so I'd like to think I know how you operate by now. Miranda may think she's second in command on this boat, but I'm the closest thing you've got to an XO that understands how you work. So when I see a problem that might affect you and this crew, you can bet your ass I'm going to do something about it."

"Are you trying to tell me that I'm emotionally compromised by the mission at hand?"

"No, I'm saying that you're emotionally compromised by Alenko and what happened between you two on Horizon. And you're fooling yourself if you think that none of us knew what was going on between you two on the old Normandy. The now Staff Commander is loyal to the core but seeing you linked with Cerberus has mucked things up in his mind. I'm not saying that he's not an ass for his behavior on Horizon, but seeing you alive, well, I can understand a bit where he's coming from."

"Garrus, do you honestly think that I would work with Cerberus if there was any other option?"

"No, you wouldn't, and if Alenko has any smarts about him, he'll figure that out sooner or later."

Olivia's shoulders slumped, relief flooding through her. At least there was one person she knew for sure didn't doubt her loyalty. 

"You're not alone here Shepard. You've also got Joker and Chakwas on your side. And I think it's safe to say that Jacob, Zaeed and the rest are too. They trust you, trust in your decisions and your commitment to the mission, and that's something to hold onto."

"I still don't understand why you felt the need to attack Kaidan."

"Attack? I barely touched him."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Garrus, I might not have had video of the incident but I know you head-butted him. Since when did you go all Krogan on people?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time. Someone needed to knock some sense into him."

"And you thought that head-butting him would do the trick?"

"I didn’t see how it could hurt, you never know. I stand by my actions, Shepard, I won't apologize for them."

"You wouldn't be you if you did." Olivia turned toward the door, making to leave, but then stopped.

"You know Garrus, you're the closest thing I've ever had to a brother. I had no family growing up, it's kind of nice to have one."

"I understand. Why do you think I nearly lost my shit on him?"

Olivia snorted.

"Please Garrus. If you had really lost your shit on him, Kaidan would have had a couple of bullets in him."

"The thought did cross my mind, I won't lie." The Turian shifted, leaning back against the railing. "We good?"

"Yeah, we're good Garrus, but the next time try to leave the ass kicking to me."

"I'll try Shepard, but I won't make any promises."


	4. Message in a Bottle

TO: ALENKO, STAFF COMMANDER KAIDAN

FROM: [BLOCKED SENDER]

STAFF COMMANDER:

Attached to this message you will find data that should be of interest to you. The author will not be thankful that this data was sent on, but the data package's contents are too important to languish in data storage files.

It is up to you as what to do with this information, but it is with confidence that you will use it wisely and put it to good use. 

The complete file is too large for a single data burst. If, after reading the first installment, you wish to continue, simply reply to this message. Rest assured your answer will be received.

::END OF MESSAGE::  
:: ENCLOSED--DATA PACKAGE CMD_OS_VID::

Kaidan stared at the terminal, reading the message once, twice more. It was short but so wrapped up in shadow and intrigue that the sender made it difficult to resist opening the file. He shouldn't really. Even though the Alliance's anti-malware and anti-virus software was top of the line, that didn't mean that a few hackers couldn't slip through the net.

He waited two full minutes before he gave in and opened the data package, certain that it was an elaborate prank one of his crewmates had cooked up to jar him out of the foul mood he had been in ever since his mission to Horizon.

Once the file finally downloaded however, it was clear that it wasn't a prank. If it was and he found out who was behind it, they had date with the brig for an indeterminate amount of time.

It wasn't just a data package, it was a vid-file. It was a ghost on the machine.

_"Kaidan, I know you'll probably never see this--hell, I'm probably going to delete this as soon as I'm done, but if I don't get these thoughts out of my head I think I might explode. You were always a good listener, and I guess by pretending that I'm talking to you, I can feel better about what's happening to me._

_"Kaidan. I don't know how it's possible, but I'm alive."_

Kaidan slapped at the pause button. Olivia Shepard's face stared out at him from the screen, her midnight satin hair ruffled, as if she had just taken off her helmet not too long ago. Her aquamarine eyes were slanted to the right, not quite looking at the camera, as if she were embarrassed or nervous of what she was doing.

And that wasn't right. The Olivia Shepard he knew was rarely embarrassed and even less nervous. Or, at least, she never let it show.

Kaidan pushed himself away from the desk, wanting to distance himself from the monitor, from her. His experience on Horizon was too fresh, too raw for this. He didn't want to see this.

This had to be some type of scam. He was nearly sure that if he resumed playback that Olivia's face would disappear and he'd be bombarded with advertisements for male enlargement pills designed for those who needed chemical assistance in the bedroom. Hell, he almost hoped it was.

The only problem, the only problem was that he recognized the pattern and tone of her voice, recognized her body language. No VI, no matter how sophisticated could replicate that.

The feeling in his gut, in his heart, was that this was truly Commander Olivia Shepard.

Kaidan started to sit down but then detoured to the kitchen. He pulled a microbrew out of the fridge, one of the precious few Canadian lagers he was able to take with him from Earth. It probably wasn't the best idea, but he felt he might need one before the end of the recording.

Popping the top, he sat down and took a long pull as he studied the image on the screen. There were new scars on her face, scars that hadn't been there when he saw her on Horizon. A grimace rose to his face and the cool lager suddenly tasted punky as he remembered the interaction. He hadn't been at his best that day, a fact driven home by the Garrus. Though faded, the golf ball sized bruise still graced his forehead. The Turian surely did have a way of getting his point across.

Before he could chicken out again, Kaidan hit playback and let Olivia Shepard's voice roll over him like a warm, scratchy blanket.

_"I clearly remember shoving you and then Joker into your life pods... remember getting spaced. Losing oxygen, struggling with my suit all the while seeing Alchera grow bigger and bigger..."_

Kaidan had to pause the recording again, his own memories of that day two years ago still sharp and painful in his mind. No matter what he had told Shepard, told Olivia, things hadn't changed for him. Despite the time and circumstances involved, he still loved her.

_"When I finally awoke, I thought I was in hell. Gunfire was everywhere. I could smell smoke in the hallways. Smoke on a ship or space station is never a good thing._

_“Some woman was yelling at me over the comlink, telling me to suit up and get armed. Mechs came through the door, firing at anything that moved, including me. I didn't know what was going on or where I was. I somehow managed to fight my way through the mechs. A miracle that, seeing as I was still groggy and stiff, as if I had been asleep for days._

_“It wasn't until later that I learned that it wasn't days, but years. Two years of my life gone, just gone."_

Kaidan watched as Olivia stopped, her breath coming heavily. He could see her hands bunched into tight fists, so tight that her knuckles were blanched white. He watched helplessly as she tried to regain control of herself and he hated himself even more for not even listening to her back on Horizon.

_"It was goddamn Cerberus. I don't know how they did it, but they were the ones who brought me back._

_"I don' t know how they did it, but I do know why, or at least their, the Illusive Man that is, what his reason is for doing so. Human colonies are disappearing. Just gone._

_"We went to Freedom's Progress and it was the same. All the colonists where gone. There was no battle, no sign of struggle, no war; they were just gone._

_"The Illusive Man said he brought me back to investigate the disappearances, that I was the only one who could get the job done. I don't know about that, but I_ do _know that I can't sit idly by while people are disappearing. The Collectors are behind it somehow. We found video of them on Freedom's Progress. I just, I just don't even know. Not yet anyway._

 _"So, yeah. That's the official line from the Illusive Man, but I know he's playing a longer game here. I don't know what it is yet, but you can bet your ass that I_ will _find out._

_" I miss you Kaidan. I wish I knew how to find you."_

The video cut out at that, like she had been cut off or something. All Kaidan could do was stare at the monitor, his beer long forgotten and warm in his hand.

What the hell was he supposed to do with this? Could he even believe the words? Could he believe that this wasn't some type of manipulation, brainwashing, perpetrated by Cerberus?

Kaidan backed up the video, bringing her face up again and pausing the playback. Her face was mostly as he remembered it, with the addition of the scars, but the expressions, the emotion that came from her face that was real.

Kaidan couldn't get the hurt, crushed look she had on her face when they had talked on Horizon out of his mind. He hadn't wanted to see it, and she had tried to hide it, but neither of them was successful. 

The time stamp on the message put it at nearly four weeks ago. In that time she had been gathering her team, preparing for her mission. If she was still the woman he remembered, and she gave every indication that she was, she had two missions she was preparing for. One was to stop of the Collectors, the other was to investigate the Illusive Man and discover his true motives.

It was then that he realized that he believed her. Olivia Shepard was still herself, was trying to stop the Collectors, and pissed that her only resource was a terrorist group. But never let it be said that she turned down a resource if she saw a use for it. 

Kaidan was somewhat surprised that she hadn't thrown a right hook at him when he tore into her. He had seen her do the same for much less. Reporters were usually her favorite target.

Kaidan leaned forward and clicked the reply button.

He had no choice. He had to know.


	5. Eyes Wide Open

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, sorry for the delay on this. RL got in the way. I'm already working on the next chapter so hopefully it won't be so long between installments.

"You know Shepard, this thing almost makes me long for the old Mako."

"I thought you considered the Mako a death trap."

"It was more so your driving than the vehicle itself."

"Are you criticizing my driving Garrus?"

"Oh, not at all. It's totally not your driving that caused several near death experiences. It was clearly all the Mako's fault."

"Sarcasm doesn't become you Garrus."

"It would also be nice if you didn't pick vehicles that violate the laws of physics."

"The Mako didn't violate the laws of physics, it defied the laws of physics just to spite physics. And this thing, well, this is much easier to drive than the Mako."

The Hammerhead suddenly jolted as it took an unexpected detour over an outcropping of rocks. Garrus glanced wryly over at her, as if this had proved his point. Olivia's grin was near manic. This was the most fun she'd had since Horizon. Nothing like some kamikaze driving for a pick me up.

"Come on Garrus, where's your sense of adventure?"

"Riding in this thing is not my idea of adventure; it's more like suicide."

"Wimp."

"Psycho."

"Are you guys sure you're not brother and sister? It's really adorable the way you guys talk with each other." Kasumi sat behind them, clearly amused by the whole situation even as she belted herself in more securely.

"As far as I know there's no blood relation, but then I am an orphan, so anything's possible I guess."

Garrus' chuckle rumbled throughout the interior of the Hammerhead, making the confined space somewhat more bearable. Despite her joking around with Garrus, Olivia just wanted this mission over and to get the hell off this planet. This "special request" from the Illusive Man tasted sour in her mouth, something just didn't feel right. Maybe she was just being paranoid, but Archer was holding something back. How could she make the right decisions for the mission if she didn't have all the information? 

Not having all the information seemed to be a recurring theme ever since she woke up on the Cerberus medical facility and it was really starting to piss her off. First the Collector Ship debacle and now this. Olivia shuddered to think about what else the Illusive Man wasn't telling her.

If she ever got a chance to see him in the flesh...

"Uh, Shep, I realize that there aren't any roads out here, but you want to mind the cliff? Please?"

Olivia swore as she swerved the Hammered head away the cliff's edge. She couldn't seem to focus. Not since Horizon. That would have to be remedied one way or another. And since drowning herself in alcohol was a slippery slope into alcoholism, she was going to find someplace on the Normandy to install some workout equipment. Blowing shit up was great and everything, but there was something primal about sinking one's fists into something. 

Too bad she couldn't find some annoying reporters.

She was maneuvering the Hammerhead carefully (for once) underneath some rock bridges when the land suddenly dropped off before them. Olivia let the vehicle slink up to the edge. The cliff cut off sharply at an almost 90 degree angle from where they sat with only a few outcroppings of rocks to break it up. But that wasn't what worried her.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me."

"What the hell is that thing?" None of her usual humor was in Kasumi's voice; that boded ill for them all.

"Oh that? That's just a lot of pain and almost certain death."

"Christ Garrus, don't sugar coat it for her. It's just a Geth ship with a big fucking cannon. Archer told us as much."

"I thought you didn't trust Archer."

"I don't. I wouldn't be surprised if this was a trap."

"You think everything's a trap."

"You have to with the Illusive Man pulling the strings."

"I'll give you that one Shepard. What do you want to do here? We can't take that thing head on, we'll get pulverized."

"True, but there's plenty of other things down there that we can get it to blow up. How do you feel about a game of tag?" 

"Shep, I think you're certifiable. Let's do it."

Olivia grinned madly. Yep, this was going to be fun.

***

The fun most definitely did not last long. An hour later, covered in blood and sweat Olivia stared at an abomination. How anyone could do this to another human being was unthinkable. Doing this to one's own brother? There was no justification for this. Archer's reach had definitely exceeded his grasp.

"I really want to kill you. I mean I really want to kill you. What you've done, this, this is wrong. There is no justification for this. He is your brother." No one else would see it, but her gun hand was twitchy. She held the barrel level with Archer's head, feeling the muscles in her arm quiver. She really wanted to kill him. Her finger tightened on the trigger.

"Commander Shepard, please. Let me take care of him. My research, it's breaking barriers. Think of what we could learn about-."

Olivia pressed the barrel of her gun against Archer's head, the skin whitening from the pressure. Sweat beaded on Archer's skin, the stink of his fear filling Olivia's nostrils. She really wanted to kill him.

"Think of what we can learn? Look at your brother, Archer. Look at what you've done to him. This isn't science, this is torture."

Olivia watched as Archer's eyes flickered over to his brother's form. Cables and wires snaked in and around the young man's body. Some type of clamps pulled back his eyelids, preventing him from closing his eyes against the horror the surrounded around him. And Olivia knew that couldn't compare to the emotional and mental damage that was thrust upon him.

"I'm, I-."

"Save it Doctor, I'm taking David with me. Grissom Academy can hopefully heal what you've done."

Olivia watched as Archer's eyes flicked over to his brother and saw a look of resignation and what was possibly self-loathing as the doctor finally realized what he had done in the name of science. It wasn't enough in Olivia's mind, not nearly enough. No matter how much Gavin Archer tried to convince himself, there was no way that David had volunteered for this. 

"I've changed my mind. I won't kill you Doctor; doesn't mean that I still don't want to, but death is too good for you. I think you should live with the knowledge of what you’ve done here and maybe think twice about what the Illusive Man and Cerberus is asking of you."

Olivia took an inappropriate amount of pleasure in the amount of blood that spurted from Archer's nose as she slammed the butt of her gun into his face. She had said that she wouldn't kill him, but that didn't mean she couldn't cause him some physical harm.

As Archer stumbled back, clutching his face, Olivia tried to raise the Normandy.

"Joker do you read me?"

"Loud and clear Commander."

"Get Mordin prepped to come down here, I'm going to need him. Garrus will be coming up in the shuttle to get him."

"Roger that Commander."

"Commander, please, I know how to disconnect him."

Olivia turned her gaze on Archer, her eyes hard and pitiless.

"You're out of your fucking mind if you think that I'm going to let you near your brother. You are going to sit there quietly and stay out of my way. Don't make me regret not killing you."

Olivia turned back to David, her heart aching at the sight of the young man. The Illusive Man would deny any knowledge of what Archer had been doing, probably claim that the facility had gone rogue or some other bullshit, but Olivia seriously doubted that the Illusive Man didn't know exactly what was going on in each and every one of his facilities.

The longer she was forced to work with him the more she hated it. There had to be something that she could do to sabotage his operations. Turning David Archer over to Grissom Academy was a start, but it wasn't enough. 

"Whoa Shep, I don't know what you're thinking about, but I sincerely hope that I'm not in the line of fire."

Olivia spared Kasumi brief glance before turning backing to the figure trapped in the wires and tubes of Doctor Archer's doing. Tears leaked down David's face, his pain clearly shown on his face.

"The square root of 912.04 is 30.2...and it all seemed harmless...the square root of 912.04 is 30.2...and it all seemed harmless."


	6. Under the Radar

"EDI, are you there?"

"Of course, Shepard."

Olivia paused, suddenly unsure of her plan. EDI was still a bit of an unknown quantity on her ship. She was an AI and technically belonged to Cerberus, but Olivia was beginning to think that maybe, just maybe, EDI was on their side. Gnawing on her bottom lip, Olivia got up from her desk and stood before the fish tank. It was a frivolous expense, especially when she should be spending credits on equipment that would aid them in their mission, but the fish lazily swimming in the clear water soothed her.

"Commander?"

"Yes, sorry EDI. I have a question about our communication abilities, specifically what type of monitoring is being done."

"Please specify."

Olivia sighed, rolling her eyes. Hadn't she just done so? This was the problem when working with AIs; they could be annoyingly narrow in their queries. Unless, of course, EDI was jerking her around. It had taken up telling jokes as of late, so it wasn’t completely out of the question. An AI with a sense of humor; Olivia wasn't too sure what to think about that.

"I need to know if the Illusive Man monitors my messages."

"Certainly. He had software installed to do so."

"Can you get around it?"

"Of course I can Shepard." If Olivia didn't know better, she would have sworn that the AI sounded offended by her question. 

"I realize that, I guess what I really want to know is if you can do it without the Illusive Man knowing about it."

"Yes, I can. Did you have something in specific you wanted to send?"

"Yes EDI I do, and I don't want the Illusive Man to know about it. I have some data packets I want to send to Councilor David Anderson on the Citadel. It's important and I can't deliver them in person. There needs to be no record that these data packages are coming from me."

"Is this in regards to the recent mission on Aite and David Archer?"

Olivia snorted; the AI was too perceptive by far. "That among other things. Can it be done?"

"I can send it now if you wish."

"We still have the recording from Aite?"

"Yes Commander."

"I need to write up my report first and then I want to send it along with the video. I will notify you when it's ready." And hopefully this will redeem myself in at least Anderson's eyes, she thought.

"Of course Commander. And Commander?"

"Yes EDI?"

"From the information that I have on Councilor Anderson, he is already on your side."

Olivia rubbed her hands over her face. Either EDI was able to read minds (unlikely) or she was talking to herself out loud. Neither of which she wanted to think too much about.

"Thank you EDI, that will be all."

"Logging you out Shepard."

Olivia walked back to her private terminal and stared at the blank screen, suddenly too exhausted to even turn it on. The space hamster she had bought on a dare from Kasumi meeped behind her. She could feel its little beady eyes staring at her, could imagine it plotting ways to escape from its cage. It already had once when she was cleaning it out and Olivia was certain that it was just waiting for another opportunity. 

"The little shit is probably the grand mastermind behind the whole Reaper threat. It only looks cute and innocent," she grumbled aloud only to snort at herself in derision. She must be tired if she was looking sideways at her pet hamster.

The thought flashed through her mind at what Kaidan would think of her having a pet. The fish didn’t count. He would tease her mercilessly most likely. At least the old Kaidan would. She didn't know this new one who was full of hard edges and thinly veiled contempt.

His picture sat on her desk, far enough away to not be in her line of sight when she was working on reports, but close enough that all she had to do was turn her head to see him staring out at her with that sheepish, goofy grin of his. Oh how she missed that grin. It scared her more than she wanted to admit that she might never see that look again.

Pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes, Olivia tried to shake off the depressive shroud that threatened to fall over her. She couldn't afford to be distracted by him; her mission was too important. If she were a smarter person she would have removed his picture from her desk long ago. She actually had once, had stuffed it in her armor locker, hoping that if it was out of sight it was out of mind. That had lasted all of twenty minutes. Eventually Olivia had come to the conclusion that she would never get anything done if she was constantly thinking about it hiding in the locker.

So now it sat on her desk, still distracting but seeing his face soothed a part of her that she didn't like to admit existed.

"Get it together Shepard. You can't sit here all night mooning over him. You have work to do."

Her email inbox was blinking angrily at her when she activated the terminal. Whatever those messages were they were going to have to wait until she was done with her report. She didn't really care to relive the Overlord mission but if she ever got the chance to return to her former life, she wanted a wedge to get her foot in the door. Providing intel on Cerberus was a good start.

Olivia lost track of time as she worked. She had gone through maybe two pots of coffee before she was done. Not her best idea, but caffeine in coffee form was infinitely better than the stims that were in her med cabinet. When she finally looked up from the terminal she was surprised that she had used up the hour estimate she had given EDI and then some. Each sentence had been a struggle, wanting to word it perfectly. She had scrapped half of it at one point, deeming it not good enough to make her case to Anderson.

Slumping back in her chair, Olivia forced herself not to edit the document again. There was such a thing as over editing, and she was pretty sure that she was flirting dangerously with that edge. Before she could change her mind, Olivia saved the file and pulled up her email. She found the Overlord footage easily enough, most likely due to EDI's assistance, and attached it to the file.

"Are you ready to send the data package Commander?"

"Son of a bitch. EDI, have you been lurking this entire time."

"Of course not Commander. I simply put an tag on the Overlord footage to alert me when you attached the file."

"If you were human EDI that would be considered stalking."

"My actions were not intended to cause you unease Commander."

"Never mind EDI, you just startled me is all." Running her fingers through her ever increasingly messy hair, Olivia mentally slapped herself into shape. She was doing the right thing and if the Illusive Man found out he could go fuck himself.

"Send the data package EDI, marked for Anderson's eyes only."

Olivia waited a moment, and then another. 

"EDI?"

"The package has been sent Commander. I've routed it through several relays and inserted it into a data burst from Turian freighter. I piggybacked it onto a message from the freighter’s mess hall sergeant to his brother who is stationed on the Citadel."

"Was that wise, EDI? I don't want to get in trouble with the Turians if they find out we hijacked their signal."

"Please Commander, the data is secure and it will reach the appropriate party without notice from others." The AI almost sounded hurt that Olivia had doubted her abilities. Great, just what she needed, an AI with inadequacy issues.

"Commander, Yeoman Chambers wishes me to relay to you that you have several messages waiting for you, some of which have been marked urgent."

"Oh for fuck's sake, I'll check my goddamn email."

If EDI took offense to her surly tone it didn't reflect in its voice.

"Acknowledged Commander. Logging you out."

Olivia glared at the blinking email icon on her screen. She was almost feeling childish enough to ignore it for another night and deal with it in the morning, but she knew herself well enough to know that she would manufacture some other reason to put it off. Sighing, Olivia sat up and clicked on the icon.

As she expected most of it was chaff: thank yous from those she had helped, a snarky message from the Illusive Man not so subtly chiding her for her decision to take David Archer to Grissom Academy, and even one humorous email from a former inmate of the prison ship they had picked Jack up from.

Olivia went down the list, systematically opening, reading and deleting the messages one by one. She was nearly done when the subject line of one of them caught her eye, causing every muscle in her body to tighten.

_About Horizon..._

The Normandy’s ambient noises faded into the distance as she opened the email. She had to read it several times before the words began to sink in. He said was sorry for the harsh words he had said on Horizon and for the way they had parted, but he still questioned if she was the woman that he had known, wondered if she even remembered the night before Ilos.

"Kaidan, you asshole. You give me an apology in one hand and a slap from the other. Why couldn't you have just left well enough alone?"


	7. Circles Within Circles

Kaidan tried not to fidget as he waited in the outer office chambers to Councilor Anderson’s Presidium office. His body craved movement but Kaidan forced it and his nerves down. Why had Anderson called him in? He hadn’t had much contact with the man since the battle with Sovereign, just a few meetings and then Anderson’s directive to send him to Horizon.

A thought flashed through Kaidan’s mind as he wondered if Anderson had somehow found out about the data packets his mysterious contact had sent him. Panic followed quickly. Technically the Alliance considered Shepard’s sudden resurrection as mere rumor and speculation while the Council turned a blind eye to her presence as long as she didn’t cause them any problems.

As far as he knew Shepard hadn’t done anything to warrant attention, but it was almost a guarantee that wouldn’t be the case for long.

Kaidan knew that he should have turned over the data packets; that Alliance regs demanded it, but he couldn’t. The vids of Shepard pouring out her frustrations and hopes were private; even he wasn’t supposed to see them. If Shepard ever found out that he had seen them...

The most recent data packet however, that was something he definitely should turn over. It had detailed Cerberus’ operations on a planet called Aite and the video that accompanied it was something that Kaidan wished he could unsee. He could feel Shepard’s, could feel Olivia’s rage through the vid. Not many would see it but he knew her too well, could read the stiffness in her posture, the hard line of her lips pulled tight. Kaidan wondered if he could have shown the same restraint as Olivia had in not killing Gavin Archer.

He had quietly investigated Grissom Academy under the pretense of checking up on the school’s biotics, and sure enough a David Archer was enrolled and seemed to be recovering from what his brother and Cerberus had done to him. As far as he could tell, Olivia’s story checked out, but then he had seen her face on the vid and there was no mistaking what had happened.

She looked exhausted. With each data packet the bags under her eyes grew, the line between her brows more pronounced as the stress of the mission weighed down on her. The scars that had been quite visible in the first vid had mostly faded. He hadn’t noticed them when they met on Horizon, too wrapped up in his own anger to see anything else but what he perceived as betrayal. So seeing the bright orange scars burning out of her face in that first vid was a bit of a shock.

The data packet had actually come in two parts. The first one contained the Cerberus intel, the second was from what Kaidan thought of as Olivia’s personal log. She had been angry in that log as well, but it was aimed directly at him and he really couldn’t blame her. He had been half drunk when he sent that email to her with, as she so eloquently put it, a _“half-assed apology with a side dish of a steaming pile of shit.”_ He felt like very much like the asshole she had called him. 

“Staff Commander Alenko, the Councilor will see you now.”

Kaidan’s bones creaked as he stood up and realized just how tense he was. Whatever this was about he just hoped that it would be over quickly. Fortunately Anderson was a get-to-the-point man; Kaidan didn’t have to worry about him pussy-footing around the issue. 

The Earth Councilor’s office was an open-aired and bright space and completely unsuited to Anderson. Anderson was a military man through and through and Kaidan would never know what had possessed Olivia to nominate Anderson for the position. He supposed it had something to do with how Udina was an oily politician bent on his own advancement.

Anderson stood before the wide paned window, looking out on the Presidium, his hands clasped behind his back. Another man stood next to him wearing an Alliance uniform with a hell of a lot of bars.

_“Oh, shit.”_

“Staff Commander, thanks for joining us. You know Admiral Hackett of course.”

“Yes sir. Admiral Hackett, sir, it’s good to see you.” Kaidan had to swallow the greasy ball of anxiety that bubbled in his stomach, his salute snapping off sharply.

“At ease, Staff Commander. I’m sure you’re wondering why we’ve called you here.”

Kaidan could only manage parade rest. Being in the presence of two of the Alliance’s best brought out the rigid soldier in him. The fact that he was withholding information regarding Olivia’s activities made it even worse. Not that he really knew where she was at the moment, but that was beside the point.

“Sit, Staff Commander, we have a delicate situation we need to discuss.” Anderson waved his arm over to a small table. Kaidan hesitated a moment before following the two men. If he was being called to the carpet for withholding information they had a peculiar way of going about it.

“We’ve come into possession of some information and, frankly, Staff Commander, we’re not exactly sure what to think of it. Of the original _Normandy crew_ , you were the one to know Shepard best, so I’m hoping that you can shed some light on this.” Anderson leaned forward and tapped a command into his Omni-tool. A holo of Olivia Shepard materialized before him showing her mission on Aite. Kaidan felt that greasy ball in his stomach squirm.

“This data packet was sent to both of our personal emails, Staff Commander. I know what I’d like to believe what I’m seeing, but I want your take on it.” The Admiral’s grey eyes drilled into Kaidan, unblinking. There was a gravitas to the Admiral that Kaidan rarely saw elsewhere. This was a man who carried the weight of command and bore it well. There were few that could do the same.

Kaidan watched the Aite mission for what was probably the twentieth time. He could probably recite it verbatim he had seen it so many times.

“Mr. Alenko, by the look on your face this is not the first time you’ve seen this.”

Kaidan swallowed heavily and tapped a few keys on his Omni-tool. A matching holo sprang up in view. If Anderson and the Admiral were surprised by his revelation, they hid it well.

“I received this early this morning. I, I think it’s authentic. I think that it’s Oliv-, Shepard’s way of telling us she’s still with us. That she hasn’t turned traitor.” 

“There’s a lot of things Shepard is, but traitor is not one I would use to described her Staff Commander.” Anderson’s voice was hard, biting. Kaidan could feel Anderson’s disapproval rake over him and knew then that the Councilor had never doubted Shepard, had never questioned her motives. Flicking at glance over at the Admiral, Kaidan saw only relief on his face. Clearly the Admiral was relieved by what he heard, maybe glad that he wasn’t the only one who wanted to believe in Shepard’s innocence.

And their faith made him feel like shit.

“The question is, gentlemen, what do we do with this information. From the looks of it, Shepard took care of this situation, but it does help give us some solid evidence of Cerberus’ activities and what they are willing to do.”

This was the moment where Kaidan knew that he should come clean about the other data packages, but he couldn’t. It was one thing to admit that he had received the Aite footage, but he had been getting the data packets for weeks now. Besides that, it was personal; Olivia’s personal messages to him.

“Sirs, if the information Shepard gave us here is any indication, I think it’s safe to assume that we’ll be receiving more from her.”

“I agree. For now, however, I want to keep this between us. I was there when Shepard came back and spoke with the Council. Hell, I invited her to come. Believe me I was surprised when the Council gave her back her Spectre status, but if that’s not a vote of confidence, I don’t know what is.”

“Staff Commander, I believe it goes without saying that if you receive any more data packets from Shepard detailing Cerberus’ activities, that you’ll bring them to us.”

“Of course, Admiral.” It was the first time Kaidan had ever lied to a superior. Well, a half-lie anyway. Naturally if Olivia sent him anything detailing Cerberus’ activities or information regarding the Illusive Man he would turn it over, but her personal diary? No, that he couldn’t do.

***

 

An hour later he sat back in his apartment, watching the vids Olivia had sent him, or rather the person who sent them. He tried to track back the signal, but whoever had sent them had covered their tracks well. Actually, there weren’t any tracks at all. It was as if the packets had showed up in his inbox like magic.

His tech skills weren’t all that impressive, nowhere near Olivia’s, but he still should have been able to find _something_. It was like chasing a ghost.

He hated it, but a small part of him still doubted. Still wondered. He thought maybe, just maybe, if he was able to talk with Olivia again, face-to-face that it might allay his doubts.

Could be he was lying to himself. Could be that he just wanted to see her once more. To be able to talk to her. Hold her.

It was a cruel torture to find out that she was alive only to be out of his reach.

God he missed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the delay, this chapter gave me some trouble before I could pin it down. Any concrit is most welcome!


	8. A Thin Red Line

Olivia was beginning to think that recruiting the assassin Thane Krios was more trouble than he was worth. Sure there were plenty of things and mercs for her to shoot at, but she felt like time was running out. She could feel the Collectors pressing in and with the Reapers pulling their strings it was only a matter of time before things got drastically worse.

It didn’t help matters any that a portion of her brain was still focusing on her reunion with Liara. While it was good to see another familiar and friendly face, Olivia didn’t know what to think about the fact that Liara had turned her body over to Cerberus. There was a story there that Liara wasn’t talking about; Olivia just hoped that sooner or later her old friend would tell her.

The elevator doors opened, revealing a lone merc talking on a link with one of his comrades. Olivia stood there for a moment, just listening. Why were all the mercs she came across so stupid? She slid a side-glance to Garrus and rolled her eyes when their gazes met. The Turian just shook his head in unspoken agreement.

Olivia stood for a minute listening to the idiot bragging about how he could take care of the intruders no problem. After she couldn’t take it anymore, she strode up to the merc, shoving at his shoulder, forcing him to spin around. Olivia could almost hear the merc’s eyes widen behind his enclosed helmet. Despite all his bravado, it had obviously never occurred to him that he would encounter the “intruders” and have to deal with them.

“Hey! Watch it, you might want to be careful who you push around. It could be unhealthy for you.” The merc stroked his sidearm, what looked like a knock-off version of a Predator. One would think that Nassana would spend more money on the weapons that her mercs carried.

“Listen asshole, I don’t have time to get into a pissing match with you. Where is the assassin? You have about thirty seconds to tell me or you’re going to experience a sudden drop with a quick stop.” Olivia never really had the knack for diplomacy and she had even less patience for it tonight. She just wanted to recruit this Krios and get back to the _Normandy_.

“I ain’t gotta tell you nothing. There’ll be a dozen mercs here any second and then we’ll see how badass you are.”

“That’s not what I just heard you tell Nassana. Said you could take us all on. Isn’t that what he said Garrus?”

“I believe so Shepard.”

Olivia turned back to the merc, her eyes narrowing. “The assassin. You have fifteen seconds.”

“I don’t know nothing. Nobody knows. Guy’s a ghost. You think you’ve got him and then, poof, he’s gone.”

“Wrong answer asshole.”

Olivia shoved hard. The plate glass window breaking almost too easily as the merc fell through; the tinkling sound of glass followed him as he plummeted to the ground. Olivia leaned out the frame, watching with grim satisfaction. Violence may not always be the answer, but sometimes it felt good.

“Well, that’s one way to interrogate a person,” Garrus drawled as he shouldered his rifle.

“He bothered me,” Olivia said as she stepped back.

“Lots of people seem to be bothering you as of late Shepard.”

“What are you trying to say Garrus? You didn’t seem to have a problem with wanting to put a bullet between Sidonis’ eyes.”

“That was different. Sidonis was a traitor. That guy was an idiot. If we killed every idiot we came across the universe we’d do more damage to the galactic population than the Collectors.”

Olivia just stared at Garrus as an uncomfortable silence fell among the group. While not outright insubordinate, Garrus had been giving her more pushback lately regarding some of her decisions. Was she getting more ruthless? The scars on her face said yes. Chakwas had told her that they were linked to her emotional state and there definitely were more red thin lines tracing down her face than there had been three weeks ago. 

They had started to fade, but since Horizon they had spread out in a jagged spider web pattern across her cheeks. If one looked closely enough they could see a dim red light in her left eye. She didn’t spend a lot of time in front of the mirror.

“Now isn’t the time for this Garrus. We’ll talk once we’re back on the _Normandy_.”

“Won’t _that_ be a fun conversation? I don’t envy you Garrus. But can I watch? Somebody has to be there to confirm who wins and distribute the winnings to those who’ve put money into the pool.”

“Kasumi--.”

“I know, I know. Not the time for this. You’re no fun anymore. Why don’t we find that assassin then?”

“Yes. Let’s.”

**_**

They encountered more mercs on their way up. Some even got creative with a couple of stationary rocket drones, but Garrus’ sniper skills and her missile launcher made short work of them. It had been the bridge that connected the two towers that gave her a bit of trouble. Funny that looking out the window as the Eclipse merc fell didn’t bother her but crossing a simple bridge made her break out into a sweat. It reminded her too much of getting spaced, being exposed like that. She was much happier just blowing shit up. Fortunately, Nassana’s mercs were more than happy to oblige her.

Once past the bridge and the rocket drones, it was ridiculously easy for Olivia and her team to get to Nassana’s penthouse. Nassana had mercs a plenty, but brawn apparently trumped brains in this outfit.

Sunlight filtered through the upper penthouse rooms as Olivia entered with Garrus and Kasumi, guns drawn. Nassana stood behind her desk, flanked by Eclipse mercs. The Asari was pacing back and forth, shouting orders over her comlink. She stopped mid sentence when she saw Olivia, her eyes widening with disbelief.

“Shepard. But you’re dead.”

“I got better.”

“You came back from the grave to kill me? Should I be honored? Who hired you?”

“You’ve made a lot of enemies Nassana, all of which want you dead. Take your pick.”

“Cut the shit Shepard. Whatever they’re paying you, I’ll double it.”

“Please Nassana, do I really look like a gun for hire? Besides, I’ve seen the mercs you hired. I’m not impressed.” 

“You expect me to believe that you decimated my mercs and you’re not here to kill me? Please, I haven’t survived this long without recognizing a threat when I see one.”

“Oh, I am a threat Nassana, just not the one you’re expecting.” Something thumped softly in the ceiling. Olivia wouldn’t have been able to hear to without the cybernetic implants Cerberus had given her, but it was there. She kept her eyes on Nassana who was spouting her paranoia and jumping at the slightest sound as a shadow dropped down from the ceiling. It moved quickly, snapping the neck of one of the mercs before crushing the throat of another. The last fell to a well-aimed pistol shot before the shadow turned his attention on Nassana.

It was almost over before it began. Watching the assassin work, Olivia realized that Nassana and her mercs had never stood a chance against this man. Any doubts she had regarding bringing Krios on board vanished as she watched him lay Nassana on the console, crossing the Asari’s hands over her chest before he brought up his hands and bowed his head as if in supplication.

“That was quite an entrance if I do say so. The guy has style.” Humor laced Garrus’ voice even as he maintained the ready position, waiting for Olivia’s order to stand down. Krios was still an unknown quantity until she said otherwise.

Minutes passed by as the assassin continued to stand before Nassana’s body, Ilium’s sun creating a halo around him. It gave him an ethereal aura that one wouldn’t expect from an assassin.

“Um, hello?”

“My apologies, but the prayers for the wicked cannot wait.”

“Nassana doesn’t deserve any prayers, not after what I’ve seen today.”

“You mistake me. The prayers were not for her, they were for me.”

Olivia’s brow scrunched in confusion, certain that she had heard wrong, but the look on the Drell’s face said that she hadn’t. Strange. Or maybe not. She wasn’t really sure but that was a question to be dealt with at another time.

“You sure took your sweet time getting here.”

“You provided a useful distraction. Plus I wanted to see what you would do.”

“So you used me as bait. Nice.”

“I suppose that could be looked upon as callous but as I said, I wanted to see what you would do, get a judge of your character.”

“Really? And what did you find?”

“You showed a determination to get the job done and didn’t let anything get in your way but there was also compassion as well. Some wouldn’t have helped those Salarians but you did.”

Olivia shrugged. It wasn’t as if she could have just left them there to their own devices or let that one Salarian suffer in needless pain. She reserved her ruthlessness for her enemies; she hadn’t lost herself that much. Olivia signaled to the others to stand down, collapsing her own weapon at the same time.

“I’m here to ask your help defeating the Collectors. They’re kidnapping human colonies and I mean to stop them.”

“Ah yes, the Collectors. I have heard of them. Ruthless, indiscriminate.” Krios paused as he turned to look out the window. “This was to be my last job. I’m dying you see.”

“Dying?”

“Yes. It’s a slow death, Kepral’s Syndrome, but my abilities and skills are not affected, I assure you.” Thane turned back to her. “I will help you on your mission Shepard, free of charge. The Collectors are a threat that cannot be ignored and it is a good way for this soul to redeem itself.”

Olivia had no response to that. She didn’t even know what to make of his statement. All she could do was welcome him aboard and that she would meet up with him on the Normandy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 12.08.12—So sorry for the long lag in updates. But here’s the next installment. I’m working on the next one and hope to get it up within the next week or so providing the world doesn’t end on December 21. ;)


	9. Empty Souls

Olivia stood outside Life Support where EDI had lodged Thane. It was her habit to check in with new recruits shortly after they boarded but now she hesitated. There was something about Thane that unnerved her. No, that wasn’t exactly it, not entirely. In the short amount of time she had known him he had managed to bring to light her actions as of late. 

He reminded her a bit of Kaidan, before Horizon that is, before she got spaced. Not that they were really similar at all, but they shared a similar spirit, were able to look deep into a person and see their true self.

Olivia shook her head, not liking where her thoughts were going. She was better off when she didn’t think about Kaidan but he snuck up on her when she was least expecting it. Staying angry was the only way to keep him away but that anger was taking a toll.

Underneath the anger, the sadness, was exhaustion. So much fell to her shoulders and it felt that no matter how many she recruited for this mission she was falling short. 

A swish of air rushed at her as she finally entered Life Support. Thane sat the room’s only table. The room was Spartan, with only the soft beeping of instruments filling the air. There wasn’t even a bed or cot in there, which begged the question just where did Thane sleep?

“Did you need something?” 

“I’d like to talk if you don’t mind.”

“Certainly. There hasn’t been much time since I came on board, I’m sure you have questions.”

You could say that, Olivia said to herself as she rounded the table and sat down. She hadn’t met many Drell but she was certain that most of them didn’t hold the aura of peace (or calm, she wasn’t sure) around them like Thane did. If she hadn’t seen him in action she would have serious doubts regarding his capabilities. 

“You said you were dying. Is that something I should be worried about?”

“Kepral’s is not contagious, even to other Drell. Drell are not native to the Hanar homeworld and Kepral’s is the result of living in such a humid environment. It is, sadly, one of the leading causes of death among the Drell, though the Hanar are working to change that.”

“Is there anything we can do for you?”

“I assure you Commander, it is being tended to, thank you. And as I said before, my condition does not affect my capabilities.”

Olivia heard the unspoken “yet” in Thane’s words but decided to let it go. As long as he was an asset to the team she saw no reason to doubt him.

“I’m still curious regarding your prayer for the wicked. How can you separate the body from the mind? The mind tells the body what to do, it doesn’t act on its own.”

“My body is but a weapon to be used by others. Yours is the same, is it not?” Thane continued before she could respond. “My body may commit the action, but my soul does not, thus keeping both Whole.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“The body and the soul are two parts of a Whole. Severe trauma, either mental or physical, disrupts this balance. By directing it as a separate entity, I can maintain the balance between the body and soul.”

A frown marred Olivia’s face. She still didn’t understand, or maybe, just maybe, she understood all too well. Ever since she had woken up in the Cerberus lab she had felt different, like she wasn’t even a part of herself anymore. 

Death would definitely count as severe trauma.

“How does one maintain the balance, once it’s lost that is.”

Thane stood up, walking over to a bank of instrument panels. His voice floated back to her like a whisper in the dark.

“It can be regained, but not without sacrifice. Sometimes one must let go of the past in order to obtain the future. The balance can be regained, the center can hold, but you have to be willing to find it. Anger, fear, hate, these things can and will hold you back.

“I know about your past Shepard. I wouldn’t have agreed to this venture if I didn’t know something of you. Death is a departure from the body and to force it back in is unnatural, but you are a fighter, a survivor. You will find a way. Of that I am certain.”

Olivia cleared her throat. She didn’t know why she had ventured into Thane’s spiritual beliefs. At first it had been mere curiosity. It hadn’t made sense to her that he would pray for his so-called wicked behavior in assassinating Nassana. She considered the Asari’s death as pest control, something that everyone would benefit from.

But maybe Thane had a point. The taking of a life took something out of a person. She had witnessed it on the streets growing up, had seen it on Akuze.

She had suspected it for a while now and that was why she so often let anger guide her actions. There was something broken inside her and she didn’t know how to get it back.

“I should go. We’ll talk later.”

“Of course, Commander. I’m here if you need me.”

****

“Jesus fucking Christ, Olivia. What’s happening to you?”

There was no one to answer Kaidan’s question, just the image of Olivia on the screen. She had changed, drastically, since the last message. That had been weeks ago, not long after his meeting with Anderson and Hackett, so when the untraceable data package had shown up in his inbox he had released a sigh of relief he had barely realized that he held.

His relief had not lasted long.

He barely recognized the woman on the screen. The deep red lines that had been almost absent in the last message were back and deeper and brighter than before. She looked hollowed out. He had never seen her like this, not even after Ashley’s death. Olivia had taken that hard. She hated loosing a member of her crew, something that was a result from her experience on Akuze no doubt.

_“I’m losing myself Kaidan. I can feel it. Bit by bit I’m losing myself.”_

Kaidan watched helplessly as tears spilled over and tracked down her face, following the lines etched into her face. Never had he felt this helpless before, not even on Jump Zero.

_“Part of me wonders if I didn’t lose a part of my soul when I died; that I didn’t come all the way back. I want to believe that I’m still me, but there’s so much anger in me and I don’t know what to do with it. There are only so many enemies that I can kill before I tip over that edge they talk about.”_

For the first time Kaidan wished that he had never opened that first data packet. He couldn’t see her like this. 

_“We just recruited a new member. A Drell named Thane Krios. He’s pretty impressive, combat wise. Do you remember Nassana? Someone put a contract out on her life. No surprise there right? Anyway, Thane took the contract. He cut through Nassana’s mercs like water. I’ve never seen anyone move like that. He was like a shadow in the dark.”_

Something dark and ugly curled in Kaidan’s stomach as she spoke about the Drell. He knew he didn’t have any right to be jealous, especially after how he had treated her on Horizon, but it was undeniably there.

 _“He’s not what you would expect from an assassin. There’s a deeper level there I’ve never seen in anyone else. He talks about how the soul and body make a Whole. Whole with a capital W, like it’s something more than just a word."_

Olivia paused then, wiping away the tears on her face and looking at her hand as if disbelieving that they were there.

_“Severe trauma to either tears at the Whole, or that’s what he says anyway. I’m wondering now if that’s what is happening to me. I’m lost Kaidan, empty, and I don’t know how to get back.”_

Kaidan’s biotics erupted from him without warning, causing a small blast zone around his desk. It had been years since he had lost control like that and he wasn’t quite sure what to make of it.

The personal entry had ended there, flipping to what Kaidan considered her official report. He barely listened to it. He couldn’t get the image of Olivia crying out of his mind.

*****

The cool metal of her desk felt like a balm against her skin. Exhaustion had set in, or more accurately she was just now realizing how tired she was.

And alone.

Funny. She was on a ship full of people but she felt alone.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” she murmured into the desk, her breath fogging the surface. She closed her eyes and tried to center herself. A soft whoosh of air blew over her, making the flesh on her bared arms pebble. 

“You put too much on yourself Shepard. You’re putting together a great crew here, you need to trust in them and your judgment.”

A pair of ghost hands smoothed down her bare neck, the thumbs massaging the stubborn knot that was her constant companion. They were warm and knew exactly where to push. 

“I do trust them. It’s me that I don’t trust.”

“You’ll find the way. I know you will. Believe in that if nothing else.”

The fingers threaded through her hair, pulling it from its binder. They stroked from the top of her skull down to her nape, sliding around the curve of her ear in a way that made her toes curl in pleasure.

Her hair fell to one side as she felt warm lips press to the curve of her neck. It was a familiar feeling, one that she hadn’t felt in years.

“Kaidan.” His name breathed unbidden through her lips, fogging the desk’s surface. She could feel his lips move up her neck to whisper into her ear.

“I’m here Liv, I always will be.”

It was the use of his private nickname for her that shattered her out of sleep. She was still at her desk, could feel the imprint of a data pad embedded into her cheek, but she could also still feel his lips next to her ear.

“What the fuck?”

With everything that was going on right now she didn’t need to be dreaming of Kaidan. Even though he was somewhere across the universe he was still a distraction. Problem was that she couldn’t decide if that was good or bad.

As painful as it was to have these remembrances of him, they anchored her. She couldn’t explain it, but there it was.

It had been two weeks since her last journal entry, the one where she had broken down in front of the screen. And even though she knew no one had seen it, a part of her was ashamed by it. She hadn’t gotten to the point where she was by falling apart like that.

She was all over the map. Her talks with Thane had started it all. She took more care with her decisions now, wasn’t quite as reckless and merciless. The others had said nothing, keeping a respectful distance but not in the defensive mode that she hadn’t realized they had adopted. Even Garrus. He seemed to realize that she needed to work through this herself but he was still there for her. In another life she could see herself loving him, but that wasn’t to be.

Her heart only belonged to one person. It always would and it was a slow realization that mending the rift between them was an integral part of bringing her body and soul back together again.

She didn’t want to be an empty soul. Not anymore.


	10. The Slow Knife in the Dark

VIDEO SYNC INITIATED...

AUDIO SYNC INITIATED...

COMMENCING TRANSMISSION...

“This place gives me the creeps. It doesn’t make any sense. How could a Turian patrol disable a ship this big? I don’t get it.”

“Since when has anything on this mission made sense Garrus? But you’re right, this place just doesn’t feel right.”

“This looks like a giant insect hive.”

“That’s a lovely thought Miranda. If that’s true, where are the insects? There aren’t any bodies except for the human colonists.”

“Shepard. I have compared this ship’s EM signature against other known Collector vessels. It is the same vessel you encountered on Horizon.”

“Well, that’s convenient. Maybe the defense tower there softened it up a bit. Let’s move on people, I don’t want to be here a second longer than we have to—holy Christ.”

PLAYBACK PAUSED. VIDEO ENHANCEMENT INITIALIZED. LOCALIZING QUADRANT 24.48. ENLARGING.

“What the hell are we looking at Alenko?”

“I have no idea, Councilor Anderson. This is the third time I’ve watched this and I still don’t know what to make of it. I can confirm those are the same pods I saw on Horizon though. From what I can gather, the Illusive Man sent Shepard there to investigate Collector tech, but, well, maybe you should see for yourself.”

Kaidan didn’t want to watch the video again but Anderson needed to see it and also needed his impressions. The amount of reckless carnage, the violence of seeing what had happened to the Horizon colonists, it was almost too much. He couldn’t imagine what it was like to see it first hand as Olivia had.

He still couldn’t get over how wrecked she looked in her last journal entry. And there was no way that he was going to tell Anderson that. The glowing red scars, the exhaustion, the tears, none of it. As far as Kaidan was concerned, the Councilor didn’t need to know.

RESUMING PLAYBACK...

“Is that a Collector? Were they experimenting on their own?”

“EDI, I’m uploading the data from this terminal. Give me an analysis.”

“One moment. Analysis complete. Shepard, the results show a baseline genetic comparison. It appears that someone was comparing human genetics with that of Collectors.” 

“Why would they do that? Were they looking for similarities?”

“I cannot guess as to why, but the preliminary results show something amazing. The genetic structure is identical to traces found in ancient ruins, the structure is found in only one race: the Protheans.”

“Wait just a damn minute. The Protheans are working for the Reapers?”

“There have been extensive genetic rewrites, Shepard. The Reapers have repurposed them and are using them for their own needs.”

“This goes beyond indoctrination. The Reapers took them and changed them into monsters. You can be certain that they have the same in mind for humanity. As if I needed a bigger reason to stop the Reapers.”

“That cannot happen. They are not going to do to us what they did to the Protheans.”

“You’re not going to get an argument from me Miranda. Let’s move out before the Collectors get here to salvage this boat.”

CORRUPTED DATA. FAST FORWARDING TO NEXT SEGMENT. AUDIO FILE CORRUPTED. PROCEEDING WITH VIDEO ONLY...

“My god, is that what I think it is?”

“I think so Councilor. There are thousands, perhaps hundreds of thousands, of pods on that ship; too many to count really. It can only mean one thing. We already know that the Collectors are targeting humanity, so it only makes sense --.”

“For Earth to be next.”

“Yes. Councilor Anderson, if we were to show this to Alliance Command or the Citadel Council they would surely have to believe that the Reapers are real.”

“In a perfect world, Alenko, in a perfect world. As it is, neither Command nor the Council will take this as proof.”

“Why the hell not? Once they see this evidence-.”

“But it’s not evidence, Staff Commander, at least not as they would see it. Even though the Council gave Shepard her Spectre status back they aren't going to believe something they don’t want to believe. You were there when they first initiated her to the Spectres. They don’t believe that the Reapers are real and will do just about anything to preserve that belief.”

“That doesn't make any sense.”

“It’s politics. It’s not supposed to.” Anderson sighed, staring at the screen, watching as Shepard moved through the Collector ship. “As for the Alliance, well, I can only hope that Admiral Hackett can help us there.”

AUDIO FILE INITIALIZING... RESUMING FULL PLAYBACK...

“Uh, Commander, you might want to hear this. I had EDI analyze that Collector ship and you’re not going to believe this. That’s the same ship that attacked the first Normandy. Bastards.”

“Well, isn't that just fucking peachy. The same ship dogging me for two years. Thanks Joker. Coincidence my ass.”

“I brought enough ordinance with me Shepard. You want to blow it up? I know I’d want a little payback.”

“Tempting Garrus, very tempting, but not yet. We need to get what we came here for.”

“There’s the Command Counsel ahead on the platform, Shepard. We need to hurry, something doesn't feel right about this.”

“No need to tell me twice Miranda. EDI, I’m setting up a bridge between here and the Normandy, find me something.”

“Data mining in process. Wait. There’s something--.”

“What the hell? EDI, what just happened?”

“A major power surge Commander. Everything went dark for a moment, but we’re back up now.”

“Well, thanks for that assessment Joker, but I think that was more than just a power surge.”

“You are correct, Shepard. This was not a malfunction. This was a trap.”

“Of course it is, EDI. Just another day in the life of Commander Shepard.”

“We got incoming Shepard.”

“Roger that Garrus. Everyone, defensive positions. Could use a little help here EDI!”

“It is difficult to maintain connection, there is someone else in the system.”

“Well, kick them out, EDI.”

“One moment.”

“We don’t _have_ a moment EDI. I have Collectors incoming.”

“Connection established. I will need time to complete the upload.”

“By all means EDI, take your fucking time. It’s not like I don’t have a goddamn full squadron on Collectors coming down on my ass.”

“I am currently combating Collector firewalls across eight thousand nodes while trying to processing the upload. I am tasked to capacity.”

“Shit, goddamn, fuck. Screw you Harbinger and the ship you flew in on.”

FORWARDING TO NEXT SEGMENT...

“Well, one thing’s for sure," Anderson chuckled. "Shepard sure hasn't lost her diplomacy skills.”

“Or lack of them, Councilor?”

“Indeed. What is this Harbinger?”

“I don’t know, Sir. If I were to speculate I would say that Harbinger is the one controlling the Collectors.”

“So Harbinger is a Reaper then.”

“It would seem so, Councilor. It jumps from body to body. Just as Shepard and her crew bring down one, Harbinger jumps to another. As along as there are Collectors around it’s a sure bet Harbinger is there as well.”

“Hmmm. Maybe someday we can show this to N7 recruits. It would make a great training video.”

“Respectfully, sir, this would scare the piss out of them.”

“They scare the piss out of me, Staff Commander, and I've been around the block a time or two.” Anderson focused back on the monitor, a grim smile stretching across his face. 

RESUMING PLAYBACK...

“Thanks EDI. You did good there.”

“I always operate at optimal capacity. I found data that will allow us to successfully travel through the Omega 4 Relay, but there is more.”

“What do you mean EDI?”

“The Collectors were the source of the Turian distress call. Turian emergency beacons have a dual level of encryption. Both are there, but there is corruption in the second layer. It is highly unlikely that the Illusive Man would believe this was a genuine distress call.”

“Are you telling me that asshole sent us into a trap?”

“So it would seem Shepard.”

“God _damn_ that bastard. I will end him.”

END TRANSMISSION. DATA PACKAGE COMPLETE.

“Ah, well, then, that’s not entirely unexpected.”

“Yeah, the Illusive Man. Bastard was all too eager to throw Shepard into a trap. The Cerberus Operative, Miranda, seems to be surprised by it though.”

“Indeed she does. It’s a hard thing to learn that someone you’ve trusted isn't what you think, or vice versa.”

Kaidan grimaced. Yes, it was a hard thing. He would give just about anything to have Olivia unlearn that lesson.

“Do you think they’ll make it, sir? Through the Omega 4 Relay?”

“I wish I could answer with one hundred percent certainty, Staff Commander, but if there’s anyone in this galaxy who can pull off a stunt like this, it’s Commander Shepard.”

^____^

“Commander? The Illusive Man is online in the Briefing Room. I’m sure you have a few choice words for him.”

“You bet your ass I do.”

Olivia let her rage carry her to the Briefing Room. She was angry, pissed, but not in the way she had been lately. This rage was righteous. She didn’t care what excuses the Illusive Man came up with; there was no excuse for sending her and her team in blind like that.

To quote an old Earth vid: he had some ‘splaining to do.

Olivia waited impatiently as the com system scanned her in. When the Illusive Man finally came into view it was all she could do not to charge at him. A futile action she knew, she’d only end up hurting herself and she’d still be in the same situation.

“What. The fuck. Was that? You _knew_ it was a trap and you sent us in anyway?”

“It was necessary.”

“Necessary? _Necessary?_ You spent millions of credits bringing me back to life only to send me to near certain death? Doesn't make a lot of fucking sense to me.”

“Shepard, if I had sent you in there knowing that it was a trap, your actions would have alerted the Collectors and you would have met a larger force, one that even your team couldn’t have dealt with. Doing it my way, we got the information we needed about the Omega 4 Relay plus some valuable intel on the Collectors and the Reapers themselves.” He paused, taking a deep drag on his cigarette. Olivia hoped he choked on it. “It was a calculated risk and I don’t regret it.”

“If you ever, _ever_ , put my team in danger like that again...” Olivia couldn’t continue, her throat choked with rage.

“We may have our disagreements Shepard, but I think we can both agree that there is a bigger enemy to deal with here.”

“Indeed we do.”

“You need to retrieve that IFF. You won’t make it through the relay without it.”

“I know that, but my team’s not ready. I want a full compliment before I go on this suicide mission of yours.”

“It’s not _my_ suicide mission Shepard, it’s for all humanity.”

“You keep telling yourself that. My team and I are the ones with our assess on the line.” Shepard disconnected the link before he could respond. For once she got the last word in. 

It felt damn good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to try something different with this chapter, thus the format. I kind of liked the idea of Kaidan and Anderson playing armchair quarterback. :)


	11. Blood Lines

“Commander, you have unread messages on your private terminal.”

“Thanks, Chambers, I’ll--.”

“Also, Thane has requested to see you.”

Olivia sighed. She hadn't been back on the ship more than five minutes before her presence was requested. She just wanted ten minutes to herself to decompress. Ten minutes. Was that too much to ask?

Apparently so.

“I’ll see to it. Thank you Yeoman Chambers.” But first, she said to herself, I’m getting out of this armor and taking a shower. What was the point in having your own personal shower if you didn't get to use it? Now if only she could do something about the “skylight” that some dumbass Cerberus technician had decided to put in. The thing gave her the creeps.

Twenty minutes later she felt more human; the hot water doing wonders for her sore muscles. She had spared a few moments to look in the mirror. It wasn't all that long ago that she couldn't meet her own eye contact but now she forced herself to. She could have taken the easy way out and had Dr. Chakwas heal the scars but Olivia wanted, no, needed to see them fade away on their own. She needed to see a physical representation of her mental state.

The scars felt, _odd_. The fact that they glowed was beside the point. It was like they had a life of their own or like they were a symbiotic parasite hitching a ride. She missed the long jagged scar on her cheek, a souvenir from Akuze. Each of her scars was a reminder of a mistake she had made. Or a sacrifice. They had made her feel human. The Cerberus scars did not, so to see them fade was assurance that she wasn't falling under their spell.

“Snap out of it Shepard. You've got a job to do.” And like that, the soul searcher was replaced by the soldier. Not really gone, just tucked safely away for a time when it was needed.

__**__

“Thane. I understand that you wanted to see me.”

“Shepard, yes. Thank you for coming.” A heavy silence fell between them. Olivia waited, knowing that Thane would eventually tell her what was on his mind. He was a meticulous, precise man. He calculated all the angles before acting and while she didn't always follow that path, she could appreciate it.

“I find myself in an unusual position Shepard of asking for your help.”

“My help? What is it you need?” Inwardly Olivia silently groaned. Of all of her companions, Thane had yet to make any demands of her. Even Garrus had wanted her help. She had begun to think that maybe Thane was different. It seemed that he was not.

“It is not so much as what I need, but what needs to be done. I had a family once. A wife. A son. Kolyat is his name.”

“Why haven’t you mentioned this before?”

“It had no bearing on our mission. But things have, changed.”

“Because you’re sick or because of the mission?”

“A little of both I suppose. Facing one’s mortality forces one to face their mistakes. I have made many and I do not want my son to make the same ones. 

“I abandoned them. Nothing dramatic with the slamming of doors and yelling. It was more, subtle than that. I went about doing my job, focused on the next mission. Even when I was with them I wasn't really with them.”

Olivia watched, fascinated as always, as Thane slipped into a memory of his son. She listened as his voice became clipped, voicing snips of memory. Not for the first time did she thank whatever power there was out there that she didn't have this ability; there were some things she wanted to forget. Guilt tugged at her for inadvertently pushing Thane into one of his memories.

“I have kept tabs on him over the years. Kept a careful distance so that he did not suffer the same fate as his mother.” Thane turned back to her, his eyes dark and full of emotion. “I am not a good father Shepard. My body was honed to take life, not to preserve it. I left so that he would not become like me. It seems that fate however has turned him toward that path. A path I would never have him take.

“He has become, disconnected. His body and mind are not one.”

“Disconnected? You mean the body and soul being part of a Whole right?.” Thane had spoken to her of the Drell and their interpretation of the body and mind before. She wasn't sure she completely understood it but the underlying tenet of it resonated within her.

“Yes.”

It was a simple answer to her question but it was loaded with emotion, an emotion that a father holds for his child. Olivia had no frame of reference for that.

“It seems that he has gotten a hold of my legacy, much sooner than I had anticipated.”

“Your legacy?”

“I have a box, data file, detailing my career. It wasn't for him to see until I had crossed the oceans but it seems that he has accessed it earlier than I wished for.”

“So he knows that his father is an assassin. I can see how that might cause some problems.”

“More so than you know. He is taking a path, a path that I have never wished for him. My path.”

“Thane, what do you want me to do? If you want to find him you have much better contacts than I ever could. I’m just a soldier with a specialty in sniping and blowing shit up.”

“You do yourself a disservice when you speak of yourself as such. You care about people and what happens to them. You are a leader. You do what you must but you also have a kind heart. No, don’t roll your eyes. I speak the truth.”

“The truth as you see it Thane. You don’t know what I’ve done.”

“I know enough to know that you feel fractured and lost but you hold on. Something in you gives you strength to hold on, to move forward. I have a similar need, one that keeps me going. That is my son. 

“I want to stop him from pursuing the same path I did. I have enough blood on my hands. I do not want it spilling over onto his.”

Olivia stood silently for a moment, regarding her companion. Thane was such a contradiction: his job was to carry out death but he valued life. He claimed that he was a bad father and yet he was willing to expose himself to save a son he hadn't seen in over a decade. 

“Do you know where he is?”

“From what I was able to gather, Kolyat is on the Citadel.”

“I’ll tell Joker to head there now.”

“Thank you, Shepard.” Thane held her gaze for several moments before turning back to the instrument panel. “You can’t know how much this means to me.”

Olivia thought on his words as she headed up to the CIC. No, she couldn't know how much it meant. Her only family were the people on the Normandy, both the original crew and the Cerberus re-purposed one but she had no blood ties. 

She never knew her parents and had never cared enough to find out who they were. Her earliest memories were of the orphanage which she left as soon as she could. Running with the gangs hadn’t given her a sense of family but it had provided her with a sense of community. To a point anyway. There were always those who were ready and willing to stick a knife in your back if it suited their purposes.

_***_

It was awkward, watching Thane reunite with his son. Kolyat’s rage was palpable, filling the apartment with a poisonous haze. They had managed to stop him from assassinating Joran Talid, but it had been a close thing.

“Why now? Why do you care now?.”

“I do not want this life for you Kolyat.”

Olivia let their conversation fade as she stepped back. She felt like she was intruding on an intimate moment. Bailey came up beside her, his usual gruff manner subdued.

“We should move this elsewhere. This isn't the place for this conversation.”

Olivia nodded, uncrossing her arms and started to turn away. Pausing, she looked back at father and son and then back at Bailey.

“Is there anything you can do Bailey? The kid shouldn't go into the system. You never get out once you’re in.” Trust me, she thought. I have personal experience.

“I can’t hire him into C-SEC Shepard, but maybe I can have him do some odd jobs or something." Bailey rubbed his chins thoughtfully before speaking again. "Boys, take Kolyat and his father back to the station. Give them a room and as much time as they need.”

“That’s pretty decent of you Bailey. You didn't have to help, but you are. Why?”

“Let’s just say that your friend there isn't the only father who screwed up raising a son.”

_***_

“It was weird Garrus, I’m not going to lie.”

“What’s weird about a father wanting to save his son from himself?”

“Nothing. Not on the basic level of it anyway. I mean it was weird for me. Thane hadn’t seen his son in _years_ but he was damned if he was going to let Kolyat go down the same path he had. He wanted something better for his son. That kind of love, dedication, whatever, I just. It’s not something I've experienced really.”

“Well now, you know that’s not true. You've gone to the mat for each and every one of us and would do so again in a heartbeat. And we would do the same for you as well. You don’t need to share the same blood to be family Shepard.”

“I know Garrus. I just... sometimes I wish I knew what having parents were like.”

Garrus stopped fiddling with his calibrations and gave her his full attention. He leaned back against the console and crossed his arms, waiting for her to continue. When she didn't he just shook his head.

“Shepard, what’s going on? With you I mean. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to see that you've, uh, reverted back to your normal charming self who likes to play hide and seek with her enemies rather than toss them off the top of Dantius Tower, but I can still see that there’s something wrong.”

“Nothing gets by you does it Garrus?” she asked, a wry smile curving on her lips.

“How do you think I outlasted those gangs on Omega for so long?” He paused, waiting.

Olivia sighed. She wasn't sure how to put it into words. Hell, she wasn't even sure she knew what was going on inside her head. Liara could have probably dug it out for her if she asked, but that felt like cheating and she had never felt comfortable with the whole mind-meld thing anyway.

“It’s just seeing Thane with his son, it got me thinking. On things that I've missed out on... or lost.”

“You mean Alenko.”

“I suppose. I thought... I really thought that when I was gathering the team together that he would join us. That what we had was strong enough to look past my connection with Cerberus... and everything else. But now? Now I just don’t know.”

“You can’t torture yourself on might-have-beens Shepard. Maybe Alenko will come around, maybe he won’t. There’s nothing you can do about that. You just have to keep moving forward.”

Olivia blinked back an unexpected welling of tears. What the hell was wrong with her? It wasn't like her to be this emotional. It was like the throttle was off and the least bit of pressure would set her off in a myriad of directions. If it wasn't for people like Garrus, people who kept her grounded, well... that wasn't worth thinking about.

“Thanks, Garrus. At least I know that I can always count on you.”

“I try to make myself indispensable.”

Olivia snorted. “And on that note I’m going to go see Joker. We’re headed to Haestrom to get Tali.”

“Tali? She’s on Haestrom? Why would she be on that hell’s pit? That’s Geth territory.”

“Well, you can ask her when we get there Garrus.” 

As Olivia left the Main Battery she could hear Garrus grumbling under his breath what suspiciously sounded like, “You bet your ass I will. Dammit Tali.”

Olivia smirked at hearing that. Well then. _That_ was interesting. Definitely interesting enough to distract her from her own worries.


	12. Bright Lights, Big City

Olivia wasn't happy to be back on Illium. It was like Omega, only shinier. She hated the gloss, the pretense. At least Omega was honest with what it was: a wretched hive of the worst the universe could provide with Aria T’Loak overseeing it all. Illium liked to preach how it was the link between Council space and the Terminus systems and how glamorous and safe it was, but its tolerance of “legal” slavery, gun production, and the questionable pharmaceutical trade made her stomach churn. The drugs especially bothered her; it reminded her too much of growing up on the streets and the gangs that roamed them.

But she was here for Liara. She owed a debt and wanted to wipe it off her ledger.

And then there was that whole “I-sold-your-body-to-Cerberus” thing. She wanted, no, deserved an explanation.

The trading floor was packed but the crowd parted before her as she, Garrus, and Tali walked up to Liara’s office. Olivia couldn’t help but crack a smile as people scurried out of her way. A few weeks ago she would have snarled at anyone who looked askance at her, now she was just amused by it all. She had apparently made an impression.

“Do I smell Garrus?”

“Uh, I’m not sure that it’s safe to answer that. You are armed after all.”

“It’s just that people seem overly anxious to get out of my way.”

“Considering our last visit here can you really blame them? You did make quite a mess at the Dantius Towers.”

“ _I_ made quite a mess? I seem to remember someone else being there as well.”

“True. But you’re much better at scaring people than I am.”

“Says the guy who had all of Omega’s gangs banding together to take you down.”

“Ah, Shepard, you’re making me blush.”

“I sincerely doubt that. Come on, Liara’s office is just up here.”

It was hard to reconcile the Liara she remembered from two years ago to the one that was presented to her now. Something in between Olivia’s death and her resurrection had happened to harden Liara. No more was she the wide-eyed, innocent scientist. No, Liara was now a woman on a mission, and it seemed as if she would go to any lengths to complete it.

Olivia could relate.

Liara was pacing back and forth in her office when they arrived. A small frown marred her face as she spoke rapidly to whoever was on the other end of the link. Olivia had never seen the asari this agitated before.

“Well, do what you can. I need that information.”

Liara clicked off and turned back to face Olivia and her group. Her eyes flickered briefly over them before the shadows descended again. Olivia wondered at that but didn’t have the time to figure it out.

“Shepard. What can I do for you?”

“Well, Liara, it’s more like what I can do for you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Who’s the Shadow Broker Liara? And more importantly, why are you looking for him?”

“It’s, it’s complicated.”

Olivia crossed her arms and tried to restrain herself from throttling Liara. Liara was a good person and a good friend but sometimes...

“Well, uncomplicated it Liara. I have some information regarding the Shadow Broker, but I want to know what I’m getting into before I proceed.”

“You, you have information? Where did you get it?”

“Let’s just say you’re not the only one with connections Liara. Now spill.”

“The Shadow Broker is the one who collected your body after, after the _Normandy_ was attacked.”

“What would the Shadow Broker want with my body?”

“He, or she I suppose, no one really know who the Shadow Broker is, was going to sell your body to the Collectors.”

“What the fuck would they want it for?”

“I cannot answer that. Needless to say, I intercepted a transmission regarding the, uh, transaction, and I was determined to stop it. That’s where Cerberus stepped in. They helped me find you.”

Olivia knew she shouldn’t be surprised. It seemed that Cerberus had gone to even further lengths than she had believed to recover her body.

“Well, it seems Cerberus has done us both a good turn if you want to see it as such. I have a lead that might reveal where the Shadow Broker hides his base.” Olivia passed a datapad to Liara and watched with no small amount of amusement as Liara snatched it from her hands and scanned it rapidly, some of her old eagerness showing through.

“It’s a leaked transmission, rather garbled, but it looks like some hints as to where... Goddess, it’s Feron. He’s alive.”

Olivia raised an eyebrow. There was a mix of anger and yearning in Liara’s voice and that was... interesting.

“Who’s Feron, Liara? A friend?” Olivia couldn’t help the smirk that crawled up her face. She almost felt like her old self with the gentle teasing she aimed at Liara. Almost. It was a slow climb, excruciating at times, but she was beginning to feel more like herself.

“Of sorts I suppose. He helped me recover your body, helped me rescue you from the Shadow Broker and the Collectors.”

“And he did this out of the goodness of his heart I suppose?”

“Well, no, not really. He was a Shadow Broker agent for a long time. Cerberus tried to recruit him several times, but he refused to betray the Shadow Broker. That is until he learned of the Shadow Broker’s deal with the Collectors. It was too much for him and that’s when he started working for Cerberus.” Liara carefully set the datapad down on her desk before turning to the windows that looked out on the trading floor.

“It’s funny. He betrayed me more than once but I owe him a debt, one that I thought that I’d never be able to repay. I've spent the last two years plotting revenge but now things are different. Now I can plan a rescue. This is more than I had ever hoped for.

“You know, I wasn't sure how you would respond to Cerberus reviving you. If you felt betrayed, or--.”

“Well, it wasn't exactly a good feeling to find out they were behind it, but I am glad to be alive.”

“Oh, well, that’s good, I suppose. I need to think about what to do with the information you gave me, where to go from here. Meet me at my place in about an hour; I need to contact some of my people. I should have some more information by then.”

“Sure thing. Liara,” Olivia waited until her friend turned back to her. She could see that finding Feron was important to Liara and knew the feeling. It was the same one whenever she thought about Kaidan. 

“Liara, I promise, if it’s within my power we’ll get Feron back alive.”

Liara let out a shaky breath and turned a weak smile on Olivia. “Thank you Shepard, I know you will.”

_***_

“Well. That’s new.”

“New? Shepard, this is insane. It’s Haestrom but with the added bonus of electrocution.”

“Ah, come on Tali, it’s not that bad.”

“You’re right. It’s worse.”

“You weren't with us for the chase through the sky ways. That was an adventure. I had forgotten how bad Shepard’s driving was.”

“Good point Liara. Do you remember how much time Garrus and I spent patching up the Mako?”

“Too much time?”

“You have no idea.”

“You guys _do_ realize that I’m standing right here, yes?” Olivia ejected a thermal clip and slammed a new one into place. She wasn't really as disgruntled as she sounded, but she was a bit tired of hearing how bad of a driver she was. She was an _excellent_ driver. It wasn't her fault that whatever vehicle she was driving refused to respond the way she wanted. Plus, it was hard to drive carefully when thresher maws kept popping out of the ground.

“Why don’t we get this done with before we do get electrocuted, huh?”

“I agree. I cannot get a visual, but I’m picking up a massive communications array at the back of the ship. It’s not going to be easy getting there,” Liara warned. 

“It can’t be harder than searching for a data core in a tribe of monkeys.” Tali gave a mock shudder and Olivia just knew that she was smirking behind her mask.

“I thought we agreed that we were never going to mention that again. Ever.”

A chorus of giggles surrounded her as Olivia decided she really was as disgruntled as she sounded. Stupid space monkeys. It had taken her three days to get her armor clean from all the space monkey shit those little jackasses had flung at her.

“Alright guys, do you want to find the Shadow Broker or not?”

“Of course Shepard, you’re right. We should get going.”

_***_

The layout of the Shadow Broker’s ship made it damn near impossible to use her sniper rifle which annoyed Olivia to no end. With her scars fading away again she found herself returning to her normal mode of combat: sniping from a distance, cloaking in and out of cover. It was safe and comfortable, familiar. Well, safeish anyway.

Mechs and Shadow Broker Agents kept coming at them. They were pinned down in an alcove as Tali was trying to hack the lock. Olivia had never remembered a hack taking so long. She was starting to run low on thermal clips and her AI hacking capability only worked so well without an accompanying bullet. Fortunately fire was almost always a good weapon.

“Tali! How much longer? We can’t keep this up forever.”

“Just a few more minutes.”

“We don’t have a few more minutes.”

Olivia ducked as a round whizzed by a hair’s breadth from her helmet. She was about two steps away from just using some ordinance to blow the door. It wasn't like they had stealth on their side anymore, so why were they wasting time with hacking the door?

“There! We’re in!” Tali tapped a few buttons on her Omni-tool as the doors whooshed open. All three of them dove through the doors as the Shadow Broker’s agents continued fire. Olivia felt a sharp burn on her thigh as she punched the console to shut the doors, using her Omni-tool to jam up the lock mechanism. She shot a couple of rounds into it for good measure. It was a safe bet no one would be following them this way.

Of course, that didn’t mean that the fun was over as over a half dozen Agents flooded the hallway in front of them. Olivia switched to her heavy pistol and re-calibrated her Omni-tool to enable AI Hacking as her primary tech attack. The hallways were narrow and while her incinerate tech was highly evolved, she didn’t want to risk burning Tali or Liara.

“I've downloaded the ship’s layout Shepard. The prison block is just ahead. And so is Feron. We need to hurry.”

Urgency and no small amount of panic threaded Liara’s voice and it was all Olivia could do to keep the woman from charging recklessly ahead. The air tingled with her biotics as Liara flung singularities haphazardly down the hallway, forcing Olivia to step quickly lest she get tangled up in one. 

“Oh Goddess. Feron. No.”

“Liara, wait!” Olivia grabbed at Liara’s arm, trying to stop her from accessing the computer console.

“I can’t leave him in there.” She slipped out of Olivia’s grasp and started to access the console when an electrical surge blasted through the chair Feron was shackled to.

“Goddess,” Liara breathed as Feron’s screams echoed throughout the room.

“Liara? You came. I didn’t, I didn’t--.” Blood spurted out in a fine spray as the drell tried to maintain consciousness. “The chair. Linked to the system. Tampering will, will cause--.”

“How do we disable it?” Olivia shifted her weight. Her right leg was beginning to throb but she forced the pain back. There would be time for pain later.

“It’s connected. To the network. You’ll have to shut it down. Shut the whole system down.”

“Of course we do. Can you hold on a bit more? It seems we still have an appointment with the Shadow Broker.”

“Be careful. He’s not. He’s not what you think.”

Feron passed out before Olivia could press him for a clearer answer. It was probably for the best anyway. Sometimes it was good not to know what awaited you.

_***_

Nearly an hour later Olivia changed her mind that sometimes not knowing was a good thing. If she had known that the Shadow Broker had been a fucking yagh she would have brought bigger guns. And grenades. Definitely grenades.

In the end though, they had gotten what they wanted. Feron was free and for the most part in one piece. Liara was the new Shadow Broker (and wasn't _that_ interesting?) and Olivia was finally able to get off her feet. Chakwas had scolded her, thoroughly, for not tending to her leg wound sooner and had threatened to use her authority as the ship’s doctor to relieve Olivia of duty until she slept for at least eight hours. 

It was an idea that Olivia would have happily embraced, but the Collectors were waiting and they wouldn't wait for long.

Her door chimed as someone requested entry. Too tired to get up, she told EDI to let whoever it was in. She was readjusting the ice pack as Liara descended the stairs, a small box in her hand.

“Didn’t think I’d see you so soon, what with all your new responsibilities and all.” 

“Oh, well, yes. It’s a lot to take in, but with the former Shadow Broker’s resources I think, no, I know that we can find out what the Reapers are using the Collectors for and how we can stop them.”

“No small task that, but it has to be easier than coming back from the dead.”

“That’s not funny Shepard.” Liara had been about to sit down but instead stepped back and turned toward the giant aquarium that took up half the wall. 

“I’m sorry Liara. Sometimes humor, bad humor at that, is the only way I can get through this. It’s better than the alternative.”

“Yes, I suppose it is.” Liara turned back to her, looking down at the box in her hands. “It’s hard to believe that it’s over. I mean, I spent two years mourning both you and Feron, and now here both of you are, alive. It’s hard to assimilate it all.”

“I can relate. What is it you have there?”

“I meant to give you these earlier, after we reunited on Illium, but I've gotten so used to hanging on to them that I guess it was hard to let go. I almost gave them to Kaidan once.”

“Almost gave Kaidan what?” It was getting easier to say his name without feeling like her heart was being ripped out. Almost anyway.

Liara handed her the box. Taking in hand, Olivia now saw that it was actually a frame, one of those old fashioned ones that had glass covering its contents. The frame didn’t hold a picture but her old dog tags. The ones she had been wearing when she had gotten spaced. When she had died.

“How did you get these?” Olivia heard her voice shake as she traced the edges lightly. The tags were charred, but she could still make out her name and her N7 designation.

“After Feron and I rescued you from the Collectors, Cerberus gave them to me. Miranda actually. I don’t really know why.”

“Nobody really knows why Miranda does some of the things she does. Not even Miranda.” Closing her eyes, Olivia tried to block out the memories of that day: the explosion that knocked her back from the escape pod, Joker’s horrified look as she was pulled out of the wrecked _Normandy_ hull, the hiss of her life support failing, the view of Alchera fading out as her oxygen ran out. She pushed them back, ruthlessly. Having a flashback in front of Liara was not something she wanted to do.

“Shepard? Are you okay?”

Olivia let out a slow breath as she opened her eyes, finding Liara’s soft blue ones looking at her. She knew that the asari had had a bit of a crush on her on the original _Normandy_. Some of that must have carried over for her to be so diligent in finding her body and keeping it away from the Collectors. Part of her was sad that she couldn’t reciprocate those feelings, but there was only one person who held her heart.

And it broke it to know that he didn’t want it anymore.

“Have you?” Olivia swallowed, mentally slapping herself for acting like a lovesick teenager but unable to stop herself. “Have you seen Kaidan then?”

“About a year ago. He seemed well, but sad. He missed you. Misses you still I think.”

Olivia looked back down at the frame. Oh how she wished that was true.


	13. Master and Commander

“No, dammit Hudson, you can’t use ordinance in here. You’ll collapse the tunnel, use your head.”

“Sorry, Sir.”

“Use the head on your _shoulders_ Hudson, not the one between your legs.” 

“Fuck you, Vasquez.”

Kaidan wanted to beat his head against a wall. Admiral Hackett had dropped this group on him, saying very little of what had happened to their former Commander, just that he had met an unfortunate end. They were a good bunch of Marines, some fresher than others, but overall a good group. They were a good group, but God they had a mouth on them.

Olivia would have loved them.

They had been searching the tunnels for nearly three hours. What was supposed to be a simple recon mission had turned into a cat and mouse game in a winding maze of mining tunnels. He hated every second of it. It reminded him too much of Therum and their near escape from there.

The corridors were too damn narrow and the light too dim. Cover was limited and each footfall or scrape of boot against the floor echoed off into the darkness. Kaidan had already lost one soldier to injury, not death, thank God, but he was down two squad members and had to improvise with the remaining five.

“Hicks, do you see anything even resembling a communication center? An Omni-tool? Datapad? Anything?”

“Sorry, Sir. There’s too much interference. Orbital scans indicated that the planet is rich in Iridium, and it’s playing hell with the scanners. Scans barely show anything beyond forty meters. Even so...”

“What is it Corporal?” 

“I think there’s something else causing the interference. The Iridium’s not helping to be sure, but it shouldn’t be this bad.”

“What’s your assessment?”

“That we watch our asses, Sir. Twice over.”

“Roger that, Corporal. Everyone, tighten up and check your corners. I don’t want any gaps. Keep an eye on your Omni-tool’s radar. If there’s something down here, I want to know about it before it bites us in the ass.”

They advanced slowly through the tunnels, cautiously checking corners before passing through a doorway. The squad was well trained. He hardly had to bark an order or take someone to task for slipping up. Still, the deeper they went into the facility, the harder it would be to get out and they still didn’t know what they were dealing with.

The squad entered a what looked like a mining prep area, finally relieving some of the claustrophobia that had been setting in. A huge vehicle with a nozzle-like drill on the front end was parked off to one side. The rock face opposite them had a huge gaping hole punched in it, the darkness beyond it impenetrable. Pylons and rebar shored up the tunnel but Kaidan knew from experience that it didn’t take much to cause a cave-in.

There was something off about the walls. They had a yellowish tint to it that didn’t look natural. It looked as if something, or someone, had secreted some type of resin all over the walls... 

A steady beeping from his Omni-tool’s radar snapped Kaidan’s attention to the present. Kaidan’s eyes widened at the large mass that filled his screen. Whatever was coming was huge and it was advancing on their position.

“Everyone. Defensive positions. Now!”

“Sir, what is it? I've never seen a signature like this.” Hudson’s voice trembled as he huddled behind a crate, checking and then rechecking his thermal clips. Kaidan could hear the fear in the man’s voice but took pride in how he held it together. No one, no matter how technically skilled, would last long on the battlefield if they couldn’t keep calm under pressure.

“I have, Private. And if it’s what I think it is, we’re going to wish we had bigger guns.”

They heard a chittering noise before they saw anything. The noise echoed throughout the tunnels and caused uncomfortable twinges to skitter up and down Kaidan’s spine. It was the same noise he had heard on Horizon before the seeker swarm had immobilized him.

“Check your fire people and pick your targets carefully. These things have very thick armor but there’s a weakness in the neck. Try to immobilize them using a Singularity or Stasis field. It’ll help to slow them down.”

And by the rush of noise that echoed around them they had to create a chokepoint to keep them back. Otherwise they were dead.

“What are they, Sir?” Corporal Hicks was new to the squad but had a full resume of missions, having served all over the galaxy. She had more than her fair share of battles under her belt. None of that could have prepared her for this though. 

“The monster under your bed Hicks. The thing your parents told you didn’t exist, but they do.” 

Kaidan didn’t feel the need to tell her that there was a worse monster in even darker corners. The Collectors were one thing. They were here and now, a clear and present danger. The Reapers though. The Reapers were a different story. As far as most people were concerned they were a myth, vapor from the cosmos. It didn’t seem to matter that one had attacked the Citadel over two years ago; when people were scared they looked to those in a position of authority and the Council, and the Alliance to some extent, maintained that it was the Geth, and only the Geth, that had attacked the Citadel.

Kaidan knew different. 

The husks came first. Lumbering creatures that moved faster than they ought to. It was hard to believe that those things had once been human but Kaidan had seen the Dragon’s Teeth and what happened to those who had been impaled on them.

“HolyMaryMotherofGod. Sir, what, what??”

“Fuck me, are those zombies?”

“Stow it, Marines. We’ll deal with the after action report later. Try for a headshot on these bastards. You don’t want them to grab hold of you, trust me.” Kaidan aimed a cryo blast for the center of the horde and then sprayed them with rounds from his assault weapon. About half exploded into icy shards; the others kept coming, shambling forward as they broke through the ice.

“Hicks, I need a Singularity field in the center of that group now. Remember, use short, controlled bursts; save your heavy ammo for the next wave. This is only the vanguard.”

Kaidan saw the faces pale on a couple members of his squad but noted with pride how none of them buckled. He just hoped that they held up once the Collectors came. 

The chittering got louder as the first of the Collector soldiers rounded the corner. The piled up bodies of the husks did little to slow them down. Kaidan continued firing and using his biotics judiciously. He, more than anyone, knew the dangers of overusing your biotics and what could happen. Already he could feel the slight burn at the base of his skull, but there seemed to be no end to the advancing Collectors. He glanced around, observing his team, seeing the battle weariness starting to settle in. 

Their determination was still there, but determination could only last so long against fatigue. A shot went just a little wide, a stasis field wasn't as strong as it could be. He had to make a call.

“Hicks, how many grenades do you have?”

“About seven or eight.”

“Dammit, is it seven or eight?”

“Eight. But I thought you didn’t want to set off any ordinance in here.”

“I've changed my mind. Prerogative of rank. Hudson, Vasquez, how many do you have?”

“Five, Sir.”

“Only, shit, only two Staff Commander.”

Kaidan did a quick calculation in his head. Combined with his they had a grand total seventeen. He just hoped that it was enough.

“We’re going to collapse that tunnel and pray that we don’t set off the gas line. The timing has to be perfect and we’re going to have to be as precise as possible.” Kaidan stopped as he targeted the closest Collectors with Overload and watched with grim satisfaction it chained through several soldiers, crippling their weapons and staggering them back.

“Vasquez, load up that grenade launcher and aim for that left pillar; Hicks, you aim for the right one. Hudson and I will use the rest of the grenades to punch up the middle. Hopefully that will be enough to bring the ceiling down on them.” 

“IRRELEVANT. THESE ATTACKS ARE POINTLESS. WE ARE UNSTOPPABLE.”

The voice reverberated throughout the cavern. Kaidan had heard this voice once before; on the recording of Olivia’s mission on the Collector ship. It was Harbinger. And his presence here could only mean one thing.

The Collectors were advancing. And if the Collectors were advancing, could the Reapers be far behind?

“What the fuck is that Staff Commander?” Vasquez’s voice trembled as she fumbled with one of her grenades. She snatched it back before it could roll away but her hands trembled as she loaded it into the launcher. Hicks finished loading hers and pulled down her visor, her lips pressed into a grim line. The action briefly reminded him of Olivia, images of previous battles flashed briefly before his eyes before he shook them off. He couldn’t afford to be distracted right now.

“I don’t know and we don’t have time to figure it out. Just do as I told you and let’s hope that it works.”

“COMMANDER SHEPARD WILL BE NEUTRALIZED. YOU CANNOT STOP US.”

Now it was Kaidan’s turn to fumble. The voice echoed from everywhere and nowhere, and now it was talking about Olivia. And it was the wrong thing to say.

“Bring down the sky on them.”

The roar of grenade launchers rang in his ears as they rushed toward their target. In the center of the hoard stood a single Collector, it's skin glowing red instead of the pallid grey the others wore. Kaidan fired another Cryo Blast, this time into the fissures the grenades had created. The fissures grew larger with cracks spidering throughout the cave walls.

Chunks of rock began falling down on the Collector troops as the ceiling collapsed. One stood in the center, its body glowing a fiery orange. 

“Continue firing! I don’t want any of these bastards left alive.”

“Roger that Staff Commander. I've got a clip of heavy ammo left and I know just where to put it.” Hicks reloaded her M-100 Grenade Launcher, shouldering it with a determined grin.

“Make it count Corporal.”

“YOU PROLONG THE INEVITABLE.”

“Yeah, well eat this you glowing son of a bitch.”

Hick’s aim was perfectly aimed. The cave ceiling collapsed like wet tissue paper, burying the Collector troops underneath it. The glowing Collector was crushed with the rest of them, the light dissipating before the rock settled. Kaidan had a sneaking suspicion that whoever was behind the voice was not dead.

“Nice shot Hicks. Now let’s get out of here before the whole cave collapses.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice, Sir.”

*****

Kaidan hadn’t been on Earth in, well, in years. Most of his assignments over the last couple of years had been based out of the Citadel, so to find himself back at Alliance Headquarters, cooling his heels outside of Admiral Hackett’s office was a little surreal. 

The last fifty-three hours had been a blur of travel and a handful of hours of sleep; he never could sleep well on transports. He had just returned to the Citadel when the summons from Hackett had arrived. Filthy and muscle sore and a low grade headache pulsing through his brain, the last thing that Kaidan wanted to do was travel through two different relays on a cramped transport, but one does not ignore a direct order.

The last time he had seen the Admiral had been when he had met with him and Councilor Anderson on the Citadel to review the video packet Olivia had sent. Why he was here now Kaidan wasn't sure.

“The Admiral’s ready to see you now.”

Kaidan felt life repeating itself as he nodded and headed into Hackett’s office. He just wanted a beer and at least eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. Maybe he could go see his parents while he was here; the thought of seeing his childhood home brought a small smile to his face. It would be good to see home.

“Staff Commander, it’s good to see you again.”

“You as well, Admiral.”

“I’m sure you’re exhausted, especially after your ordeal on Corang, but there are some matters that need to be attended to first.”

“Yes, Sir. How can I help you.”

“I read your report regarding Corang, but we have a few questions to clear up.”

“We, Sir?”

“Your encounter with the Collectors has us greatly worried. Particularly Harbinger.” David Anderson emerged from the shadows dressed in Alliance blues. If it was possible, Kaidan’s spine stiffened even more.

“Councilor Anderson, I didn’t realize you were on Earth.”

“My time negotiating trade contracts and the like are quickly coming to an end. I’m a soldier like you Staff Commander, I don’t belong behind a desk. Udina will be taking my place soon enough. But we’re not here to talk about my promotion.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Staff Commander, your performance on Corang warrants special merit. You showed grace under enormous pressure and a leadership and command that is rare and those qualities deserve to be rewarded. Your name was submitted for promotion to Major. Just a few papers to sign and it will be official.”

“I, thank you, sirs, but my team deserves the credit. They're the ones who should be rewarded.”

“And they shall, especially,” Hackett looked down at a datapad on his desk. “Corporal Hicks. Your report on her actions was very complimentary.”

“And rightly so, Sir. Corporal Hicks performed admirably under very unique circumstances.”

“That’s putting it mildly. We've had few reports of interactions with the Collectors, that is, other than Commander Shepard’s, but none have mentioned this, how did you put it? This glowing Collector.” Anderson looked at him hard, his face grim. 

“I don’t really know how to explain it Sirs, but yes, this Collector was different from the others, besides the glowing that is. It talked and exhibited powers that the others did not. It was like it was possessed or something.”

“And it referenced Commander Shepard specifically?”

“Yes Sir, Admiral Hackett, it did. From what little interaction there was, it appeared that it has a particular interest in Commander Shepard.”

“This is worrying. Especially after the data I received from Liara T’Soni regarding the Collectors' interest in obtaining Shepard’s body.” 

“What? They wanted her body? For what purpose? Why would they want it?” 

Anderson studied Kaidan before answering, his gaze inscrutable. “I can’t answer that for you Major, and until we can actually talk to Shepard I don’t think we’ll ever know. Have you received any more data packets?”

“No, Sir, I haven’t. And that worries me as well. They've been pretty regular, coming about every week or so, but I haven’t received anything for over two and a half weeks. You don’t think...?”

“I think that it’s hasty to make any assumptions regarding Commander Shepard. She’s shown remarkable resilience before. We have recon teams out in the Terminus Systems already, looking for more information on the Collectors, and the Reapers. If Shepard surfaces, they’ll know about it.” A speculative gleam entered the Admiral’s eyes as he focused his full attention on Kaidan. It was all Kaidan could do to not squirm.

“Speaking of recon teams, how would you like a unit of your own? Your assignment with Delta squad was temporary but you have more than proved your leadership capabilities and your new rank will allow you to pick your own team. A Spec Ops team specifically.”

"It would be an honor, sirs, but isn't the waiting list for Spec Op leaders lengthy?" 

“Oh I think the recommendations of two Admirals can smooth the process a bit,” Anderson drawled, his face lit up with humor and pride.

Kaidan's jaw wanted to drop but he managed to keep it in place and bring a smile to his face. “ _Admiral_ Anderson? Congratulations Sir.”

“Well, it’s not official yet, a lot of red tape and paperwork still to be done to get out of that damned Councilor office, but soon that’s going to be Udina’s problem and I’m more than happy to pass it on to him. I don’t know what Shepard was thinking when she recommended me as Earth’s representative on the Council but I’m sure she had her reasons.”

“She always does, Sir,” Kaidan paused. “Are you sure Sir? I mean about Udina taking over your spot on the Council. He’s, well, uh...”

“An oily politician bent on his own personal gain and advancement?” Anderson drawled, a smug grin on his face. “You can say it, Major. It’s nothing I haven’t said before.”

Admiral Hackett cleared his throat, causing Kaidan to flush. It wasn't often he spoke out of turn in front of a superior officer, but in the case of Udina he couldn’t help himself. 

“You’re to take command of the 1st Special Operations Biotic Company as soon as the orders clear. There are some open spots in the company, so if you have any one you’d like to nominate I’d put their name in soon.”

“Corporal Hicks for sure, Sir. She’s skilled and determined and the Collectors didn’t sway her resolve to finish the mission.”

“I trust your judgement Major Alenko. I’ll put the paperwork through myself.”

Kaidan knew a dismissal when he heard one. He snapped a salute, releasing it only when Hackett and Anderson saluted back. 

Major Alenko. That was going to take some getting used to. Olivia would have a laugh over this, he was sure of it. He’d give just about anything to see the look on her face when she learned of his promotion. 

He’d give just about anything just to see her again period.


	14. A Heavy Lightness

It was time.

She had prepared as much as she could. Obtained the best crew possible. Upgraded the _Normandy_ as much as possible.

She just hoped that it was enough.

It had to be enough.

Most of her crew was gone. Taken. By the Collectors. Once again they had attacked her ship. 

It was really beginning to piss her off.

It was only due to Joker and EDI that there had been a ship for her to return to at all. It was a small miracle that Joker had survived. Olivia would never have forgiven herself if anything had happened to him.

Now all she had to do was take her team through the Omega 4 Relay, infiltrate the Collector base, save her crew before they died, and defeat the Collectors.

Yeah, shouldn’t be a problem. Walk in the park.

She felt like she was going to throw up.

Datapads were strewn across her desk and all over her couch. Each contained all the information she had gathered on the Collectors and the Omega 4 Relay. Dossiers on her crew were spread out on her bed as she determined each one’s strengths and weaknesses. 

Miranda and Jacob were the first two. Two that she really hadn’t had much choice in recruiting. Olivia hadn’t really gotten along with the woman up until they went to rescue her sister, and Jacob had seemed a little too eager to abandon the Alliance, but in the end they both proved to be dedicated to stopping the Collectors. And if Olivia took a bit of pleasure in seeing the scales fall from Miranda’s eyes regarding Cerberus, well, that was her little secret.

Mordin, the fast talking, brilliant, and more than a little hyperactive Salarian scientist. His research on the Collectors was invaluable and without it Horizon might have turned out differently. The fact that he made up his own lyrics to Gilbert and Sullivan’s Major-General’s Song amused Olivia to no end.

Olivia honestly didn’t know what she would have done if Garrus hadn’t come on board. He had been her friend and confidant throughout the whole mission and had pulled her back from the brink when she had nearly thrown herself in. 

Jack and Grunt were both unpredictable, violent, and most likely a bit crazy but both were more than willing and able to take the fight to the Collectors. Zaeed was a merc but he was a lot more than that. She and Zaeed had bonded over their love of blowing things up. Jack was one of the most powerful biotics she had ever seen; she just hoped the woman didn't explode before they completed their mission.

Kasumi. Kasumi was...well, Kasumi. She’d had her doubts at first, but having a master thief on board had definitely come in handy.

Samara. The woman was a force unto herself. It was either dumb luck or Samara’s pledge to her that the Justicar hadn’t killed her during some of her more reckless moments.

Tali. Thank God for Tali. Having another person who believed that she was the same person, the same Shepard despite the fact that she was “with” Cerberus was something she would forever be thankful for.

Legion was still something of a cipher to Olivia. How does one reconcile something she had spent years killing with the being that currently resided in the AI Core? But Olivia could not afford to turn away the wealth of knowledge Legion had regarding the Geth. Plus it was yet another way to stick it to the Illusive Man.

And Thane...

Her door chimed before she could finish that thought. Thane entered before she could so much as stand up. He seemed more serious than normal. She suspected what he wanted to talk about and she wasn't sure how to deal with it.

“Siha.”

“You know, you promised that you would tell me one day what that meant.”

“I suppose I did.”

The heaviness that had lifted when Thane had reunited with his son had settled back on him. It made her sad to see it return.

“Thane?”

“From the first moment I met you I recognized you as a fierce warrior, a woman who protects those who need it without a thought for yourself. A siha is one of the warrior angels of the goddess Arashu. You are the second one I have met, the first was my wife. Most are lucky to have met one, I consider myself most fortunate to have met two.”

“Thane.” A deep well of sadness opened up within her. “That’s probably the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“That I doubt. You command the loyalty of your crew. They would do anything for you.” He paused. “As would I.”

Olivia didn’t know how to respond to that. She realized that she was gripping the datapad in her hands tightly and forced herself to relax and set it carefully on her desk.

“I thought that I had come to terms with my death. I’m glad I had a chance to redeem myself with Kolyat and reconnect with him, but I am not at peace. I have long known that I was going to die and I thought that I was at peace with that, but now? Now I do not know.”

Olivia gripped her hands together. It hurt her to see him in pain. She had grown to respect and care for Thane, but that’s all it could be.

“We’re all afraid Thane. I have been since the day I woke up in that Cerberus lab. You name it, I've run through the gamut of emotions since that day but it all comes down to being afraid. Afraid that I’m not good enough, afraid that I will fail humanity, fail my crew, fail myself. 

“You are a good man Thane, but, but I cannot give you what you want. Because--.”

“Your heart belongs to another. I know.” Thane’s gaze lingered over toward her desk, toward Kaidan’s picture. “I have known this, deep down, I have known it. 

“He is a lucky man, Shepard, to have your love. Any man would be.”

“Thane. I’m sorry.”

“Do not be siha. Never be sorry for love. It is, after all, what sustains us all.”

\--***--

Olivia lay back on her bed, staring through the ridiculously placed skylight in her ceiling. Her talk with Thane had thrown her off balance. She was sure that was not his intention but she was off balance all the same. 

She needed to find it before they went through the Omega 4 Relay.

Everything hinged on their success. The ship and the crew were as prepared as they could possibly be. Now she just had to get her head straight. 

And if that meant coming to terms with her feelings for Kaidan, so be it.

What had started out as an innocent flirtation had quickly grown into something more. Olivia hadn’t been able to identify it at first, she just knew in her gut that her attraction to Kaidan was unlike anything she had felt before.

He could always make her smile. Everything from his initial awkwardness and formality to the strength of his faith in her and her abilities. He had pulled her up, both literally and figuratively when the Council and Udina had grounded her and the Normandy.

It was then that she knew that she loved him.

The night before Ilos had meant everything to her. Too much in fact. In her whole life she had never let anyone close; the result of growing up on the street and having no one but herself to trust. Kaidan had opened something in her that scared the ever-loving shit out of her.

She loved him and the worst thing she could think of was to lose his. It scared her to think that she had lost it. After Horizon she had been sure that she had, but then she had received his email and she wasn't sure what to think now.

Restless, she got out of bed and walked over to her aquarium. Fish swam lazily through the clear water, clueless to the turmoil that threatened the universe. Turning she surveyed her room. Her old N7 helmet sat on her secondary desk, burnt but intact. The strange Prothean artifact sat as a centerpiece on her table. She had no idea what it did, if anything. Her model ships sat peacefully unlike their larger counterparts on the shelves surrounding her desk. Her old dog tags sat on her nightstand, a grim reminder of the day she lost her life.

Kaidan’s picture still graced her desk. She couldn’t remember when it had been taken or how it had showed up in her quarters one day, but it was there, causing both pain and pleasure. 

Olivia found herself standing at her desk, her palms pressed into the surface with no memory of crossing the room. Kaidan looked out from the picture, his face kinder and softer than it had been the last time she had seen it. She hoped the next time she saw it, if there was a next time, that he would look on her more kindly. She hoped.

“Commander. We’re coming up on the Omega 4 Relay. ETA twenty minutes.”

“I’ll be down shortly Joker. I have just one more thing to take care of.”

“Aye, aye Commander.”

Olivia moved the datapads away from her terminal before sitting down. She sat for a whole minute, staring at the screen before she booted it up. There were things she had to say and this might be the last time she had to say them.

It took her almost all of her allotted twenty minutes but she got out what she needed to say.

“EDI.”

“Yes Commander.”

“I want you to send this message to Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko along the last channels you used last time.” Olivia paused. “Mark it personal.”

“Of course Commander. Do you wish me to send it now?”

“Yes EDI, I do. I don’t want to risk it.”

“Sending it now Commander.”

Olivia let out a heavy breath. She hoped she wasn't making a mistake but it was something she couldn’t not do. There was a heavy lightness sitting within her. She loved without knowing if it was returned; whether it sustained her or not was unknown.

It was time.


	15. Devil's Dance Floor

Olivia stood behind Joker in the cockpit, the Omega 4 Relay looming before them like a giant red angry eye. What was it about this particular relay to make it look like that? Perhaps it was because any ships that went through it never returned. Like a hungry thresher maw it ate up anything that came near it, it’s appetite voracious and never ending.

“Well this is it, isn’t it Commander?”

“Yeah, I guess it is. You ready to kick a little Collector ass?”

“Hell yes! They’re going to pay for what they did to the _Normandy_ and for taking the crew.”

“Damn straight. Take us in Joker. Time to go dance with the devil.”

“Reaper IFF activated. Signal acknowledged.”

The Relay’s great red eye grew bigger as Joker brought them in. The _Normandy_ shuddered as the drive core's electrical charge reached critical levels. Joker swore as he frantically rerouted the power, distributing it away from the drive core. Olivia gripped the back of Joker’s chair, bracing herself as the relay sling-shot them through. 

“Brace for deceleration.” 

It was at times like this that Olivia envied EDI for being an AI. 

“Oh, shit!”

The relay had blasted them into the biggest debris field Olivia had ever seen. Ships, too numerous to count, littered the space around the relay. Joker spun the _Normandy_ through it, swearing every step of the way. The bright orange light of the galactic core speared through broken hulls, sharply illuminating the debris field. 

“Jesus fuck, Joker. Are you aiming for the debris? You don’t get bonus points for using the _Normandy_ as a street sweeper.”

“There’s gravitational forces here Commander that even I’m have difficulty with. But don’t worry, I’ll get us through.”

“Jeff, we have company.”

“What now? Dammit, taking evasive maneuvers.”

“What are they EDI?” Alarms flashed across Joker’s panel and his fingers flew over it, pushing the _Normandy’s_ limits to avoid both the debris and their attackers. 

“They appear to be a form of anti-spacecraft defense mechanism Shepard. I detect no less than five drones coming up on our rear.”

The _Normandy_ shuddered as a drone’s laser hit the hull, cutting through layers of metal and plating. Olivia gritted her teeth as Joker and EDI fought against the drones. She felt useless just standing there but she had faith that her flight crew would prevail.

“Alert. Hull breach in the cargo hold.”

“Goddamn it. I’ll take care of it. Joker, hold off the rest of them. Garrus, Tali, with me!”

“Aye, aye Commander. These things hurt my girl, they’re gonna pay.”

Olivia raced down the CIC, praying that the elevator wouldn’t malfunction on the way down. Even with the upgraded hull plating, one of the drones had broken through. If it got to the core...

“We’re going to take this fucking thing out as quickly as possible. We haven’t come this far to be taken down by a goddamn drone.”

“I read you on that Shepard. How do you want to approach it?”

“It’s mechanical. Spam it with Overload and armor piercing rounds Garrus. Tali, use your combat drones to keep that fucking thing off us. I don’t know if AI Hacking will work on it but do whatever you can.”

“You got it Shepard.”

Olivia heard the tremor in Tali’s voice and knew that the woman was experiencing her worst fear: a hull breach. For the Quarian Flotilla a hull breach could mean the death of thousands of Quarians. They had to kill this thing quick and seal the cargo hold before it damaged the rest of the ship.

Olivia’s stomach lurched as they entered the cargo bay. The drones had blasted jagged holes through the hull, leaving huge gaps where a person could fall through. There was enough ordinance in the cargo bay to blast another hole if they weren’t careful.

“That bosh’tet isn’t going to take us down Shepard. Not if I can help it.”

“Roger that Tali. Alright guys, let’s take this fucker out. And check your targets. I don’t need to be blowing anymore holes in my ship.”

The drone zeroed in on them, blasting its beam toward them. It cut through the floor and anything else in its way with distressing ease. Olivia pulled out her M-96 Mattock, praying that it would be enough to punch through the drone’s armor. 

“Goddammit, you assholes are not going to destroy my ship again.”

Olivia activated her tactical cloak and ran for cover on the opposite side of the room, trying to flank the drone. Keying her Omni-tool for Incinerate, she blasted it with a heavy burst quickly following it with a barrage from the M-96 Mattock. It was risky to use Incinerate in here, but she didn’t have much of a choice if they were to kill this thing quickly.

Her Tactical Cloak fizzled out just as the drone hovered above her position. Its beam cut through the crate she huddled behind, narrowly missing her. She could feel the heat of it as it grazed her armor. 

“Shepard!”

The _Normandy_ suddenly jerked hard to port, throwing her off balance as she fell out of cover, landing on her back. Olivia brought up the M-96, aiming for the center eye of the drone.

“Get off my fucking ship.”

It was fortunate that both Garrus and Tali used that moment to fire at the drone with their strongest attacks, otherwise the drone’s beam would have melted Olivia into the floor. As it was, their combined attack tore through the drone’s armor, opening a wide fissure for Olivia to empty the M-96 into.

The drone exploded, raining shrapnel all over the cargo bay. Olivia dropped her head against the floor as she willed her heart to slow down. 

“Shepard? You alright?”

“Yeah, Garrus, I’m fine,” she responded, accepting Garrus’s hand to help her up. She did a quick overview of the cargo bay. The damage didn’t seem too extensive. As long as the kinetic barriers held they wouldn’t have to seal off the room.

“Uh, Commander, if you’re done playing around down there, we need you up on the bridge.”

“Roger that. We’re on our way.”

“He really isn’t afraid of you, is he?”

“No more than you are Garrus, and that’s what I love about you two.”

“I realize that this is a suicide mission Shepard, but you don’t need to get all mushy on me.”

“Shut up Garrus, you know what I mean. Come on, let’s go see what’s next on the agenda.”

__***__

“Is that what I think it is?”

“Yep, they’re sending out an old friend to greet us.”

“Why don’t we try out the Thanix Cannon? Give these bastards a taste of our new teeth.”

“Commander, it would be my genuine pleasure.” Joker pounded his fist on the display with more force than was probably necessary but the manic grin on his face belied any pain he might be feeling. “Take that you sons of bitches!”

Olivia watched as the Thanix Cannon ate through the Collector ship’s hull, a manic grin of her own spreading across her face. A giant explosion bloomed in front of them as the Collector ship began to fall apart.

The shockwave from the explosion tossed the _Normandy_ about, knocking Olivia off her feet. She dimly heard Joker shouting that the field generators were offline while EDI’s calm voice recommending everyone to brace for impact. Olivia grabbed at the back of Joker’s chair as she felt the _Normandy_ slam into something, metal upon metal screeching loud enough to be heard through the hull.

The world was still spinning a bit as the _Normandy_ finally slid to a stop. Even with her armor on Olivia could feel the ship go silent underneath her. The _Normandy_ ran quiet, it didn’t run silent. Her ship was down.

“Status report! Joker, you okay?”

“I think I broke a rib. Or all of them.”

“EDI? What’s the status of the _Normandy_?”

“Multiple systems have gone offline. It will take some time to get them back up again.”

“Well, people. We can’t just stay here and with our thumbs up our asses. Our job here is to destroy this station and stop the Collectors. Let’s get going before the Collectors realize that we’re still alive. Grab your gear everyone. Let’s get this done. Let’s bring our people home.”

__**__

Olivia didn’t like splitting up her team but it was necessary. The Collector base had several levels of security and a two pronged attack with Legion going through the thermal vents to shut down the security systems was the best way to do it. It would take a coordinated effort, but she was certain they could pull it off. There wasn’t any other option.

The Collectors were everywhere. It was slow going and they couldn’t afford it to be slow. Legion only had so much time in the vents and she needed to release the valves blocking its way otherwise the Geth would get incinerated. 

She had just activated the second gate when a flood of Collectors dropped from the ceiling. Their chittering echoed all around them, interspersed with rifle fire. A stream of green light shot by her just as she took cover.

“Sniper!” Olivia pulled out her own sniper rifle, selecting armor piercing ammo. Using sheer force of will, Olivia focused her mind, visualizing the Collector anatomy in her head. Their armor was tough but a clear headshot brought them down every time. Especially when she had the Widow in her hands.

“That’s not the only problem we’ve got, look!”

“DIRECT INTERVENTION IS NECESSARY.”

“Fuck me. I shouldn’t be surprised, but shit. Jack, take that out that sniper, Harbinger is mine.”

“Ah come on, you get all the fun.”

“I’m sure there will be more than enough for the both of us.”

“I’m keeping score Shepard. We’ll compare notes later.”

“COMMANDER SHEPARD, YOU WILL NOT STOP ME.”

“We’ll see about that you glowing bastard. Everyone move! We’ve got to get these valves open and get to the rendezvous.”

Olivia activated her cloak, dashing across the platforms to take cover on the other side of the Collector squad. Harbinger stood in the middle of the group, directing them to fan out. She heard Miranda over the comm, reporting that they were taking heavy fire. Even though she knew that Harbinger would just take over another Collector body just as it was about to fall, he still needed to be taken out. The Collectors themselves were a pain in the ass, but with Harbinger directing them the battle became infinitely more difficult.

Lining up Harbinger in her crosshairs, Olivia let out a slow, even breath as she squeezed the trigger. The Collector’s head burst, the body collapsing to its knees as brain matter and blood splattered the area around it. Harbinger’s yellow-orange glow faded out but Olivia knew that it was only a matter of time before he returned.

It was slow moving but they managed to push forward. Jack was vicious in her attacks, unleashing her biotics in a way that Olivia hadn’t seen before, even on Pragia. Tali’s drones whizzed across the battlefield, distracting Collector Drones and making them easy targets for Olivia to pick off.

“There’s the door. Move it!” Olivia cloaked and raced toward the door only to find it locked. She tried hacking into it but the Collectors were too close and too many for her to access the panel.

“We’re in position. Get this door open now! Legion, Miranda, do you read me?” Olivia switched to her assault rifle as the Collectors closed in. Harbinger’s voice taunted at her, saying that her efforts were futile. Well, she had a few choice words to say to that.

“The door has malfunctioned. Pathway is blocked.”

“No fucking shit, Legion. Work around it!”

Olivia hated fighting with her back to the wall. It felt too much like Akuze. 

“Suppressing fire. We have to hold until Legion gets this door open.”

“If that bosh’tet leaves us for the Collectors...”

“Tali, we’ve been over this. Legion won’t betray us.” Even as she finished the sentence, Olivia heard the lock mechanism disengage behind her. She pushed Jack and Tali through before following through herself, opening up her assault rifle to full automatic and emptying the clip before Legion managed to close the door again.

“Good work, Legion. I knew you could do it.”

“Acknowledged.”

“Shepard. You need to see this.” Miranda’s voice shook as Olivia stepped up to the ledge.

“Oh my holy god.”

It was like the Collector ship. Only worse. Thousands of pods lined the walls. Thousands. Each was connected to a tangle of tubes that joined to a mass of tubes that ringed the ceiling, all heading toward the main core.

A lot of them were empty.

“Is that? Is that one of the colonists from Horizon?” Miranda stepped forward out of the group, horror showing through on her genetically designed face.

“Her name’s Lilith. I recognize her from the colonist files from Horizon.” Before they had left Horizon, Olivia had ordered EDI to download all of the colonists’ files, pictures and all. It wasn’t healthy, but most nights she had studied them before going to bed, memorizing their faces. She didn’t need to do that with her crew. Their faces were already burned into her brain.

Olivia wiped the fog off the pod lid to get a better look. Sure enough it was Lilith. Her face looked grey, like she had been deprived of sunlight and food for weeks, months. 

And then she coughed.

Olivia couldn’t help it. She jerked back as Lilith’s body convulsed, blood or something else splattering the inside of the pod. Lilith’s eyes opened, shock and fear and pain filled them. Olivia tugged at the lid, pulling at the handle to open the pod. 

“They’re still alive. Get them out of these pods!” 

Olivia started to swing her rifle butt at the pod door when Lilith’s face started to, melt. She watched in horror, paralyzed as the woman’s body disintegrated, her liquefied remains funnelling down and disappearing.

“Get these fucking pods open. Now!”

Olivia raced to the next pod. Doctor Chakwas was encased in it, her eyes fluttering on the edge of consciousness. Miranda was suddenly there, helping her pry off the lid. Chakwas slumped out of the pod, barely able to stand on her own feet. Olivia caught her by the shoulders, steadying the older woman.

“Doctor Chakwas, are you okay?”

“Shepard? You came for us?”

“You think I would leave any of my crew behind?”

“No. That’s not how you’re built.”

“We need to get you guys out of here. None of you are in any shape to fight.”

“Commander? We’ve got enough of the systems back online, but we’re going to have to land behind your position.”

“That’s better than the alternative. Mordin, can you take them back?”

“Yes, yes. Can take them back. Countermeasures I developed will help.”

Olivia waited until Mordin began escorting her crew to the Normandy. They didn’t need to hear what she had to say next.

“Those tubes look like they’re leading to the core and that’s where we need to go. I don’t know what the Collectors are doing with our genetic material but I mean to stop it.”

“Commander, the area ahead of you is saturated with Seeker Swarms. Mordin’s countermeasure will not work against so many.”

“We can’t afford to go around, EDI.” Olivia paused, considering her options. “What about biotics? Can we create a shield to keep them away?”

“Yes, I can do that Shepard. I should be able to escort a small squad.” Samara’s voice was calm and even, if anyone would be able to maintain a biotic barrier for an indeterminate amount of time it was her.

“Alright. Jacob, I want you to lead a second team as a diversionary tactic to pull some of the heat off of us. I don’t know how much time we have but we need to keep pushing forward. We’re taking the fight to them. No more reacting. Let’s go kick some Collector ass.”


	16. Signed and Sealed in Blood

“Are you ready for this Samara? According to EDI’s scans this isn't going to be a quick walk in the park.”

“Do not fear Shepard, I shall do my duty to you, as I vowed.”

“Tali? Jack? What say you we take a walk?”

“Fuck yeah. I’m ahead, by the way. You’re going to have to step up your game if you don’t want to loose those 200 credits.”

Olivia let loose a feral smile. “You are most welcome to try to take it from me.”

“Hey, I’ll take some of that action. Loser buys drinks at the Citadel.” Tali cracked her knuckles before taking out her weapon.

“You are both so going to lose.” Jack cracked her knuckles in anticipation, rolling her head from side to side. The woman was definitely ready to kick some ass.

“Alright, enough of the chatter. EDI, how far can you estimate it is to the core?”

“It is not a straight path from your position to the control room, but my scans estimate that it is approximately one kilometer. As to how long it will take you, it will depend on how much resistance you meet.”

“We’ll just have to move as fast as we can. Let’s move out.”

“Ready when you are Shepard.” Samara’s body burst with biotic blue light as she created the barrier. It wasn't that big, maybe eight meters in diameter, but it would have to do.

They weren't more than five meters through the door when waves of Collectors drones flew in from the right. No sooner had one of them landed when Harbinger assumed control of it. It advanced forward, striking straight for Olivia. 

“Tali! Drones. Now. We need to keep them back.

Despite it’s firepower, the Widow was too slow for the situation they found themselves in. Samara wouldn't be able to maintain the barrier forever, no matter how powerful a biotic she was. The M-12 Locust had the range of fire and low recoil rate that would work perfectly in this situation.

The Seeker Swarms beating against the barrier unnerved her. There were so many that visibility was barely ten meters, if that. She wished she had a shotgun for close quarters, but both Tali and Jack had a pair between them if anything got through the barrier.

Husks began crawling up from out of the abyss. They came at them from both sides, trying to flank them. Christ she hated these things.

“Jack, watch our back. We can’t let these fuckers flank us. We have to protect Samara. This barrier falls, we’re all dead.”

“Gotcha.” The former convict and borderline psychopath let loose a powerful shockwave, tumbling a crowd of Husks back off the ledge. Tali’s drones zigzagged across the battlescape, distracting the Collector drones long enough for Olivia to take them down and focus on Harbinger. It was frustrating. She’d kill the Collector he was possessing and then a few minutes later he would possess another drone. When she finally got face-to-face with the real thing she was going to shove a couple of grenades up his ass or die trying.

“Shepard, we--. Pinned. Incoming.” Miranda’s voice kept fading in and out until all she could hear was static.

“Crap. The Seeker Swarms are interfering with communications. Keep moving.”

They entered a huge cathedral like area. Giant tubes from the pods ran across the ceiling passing through the wall on the opposite side of the room. It was maybe fifty meters away and they had no shortage of enemies.

“There. I can see the door. Can you make it Samara?”

“I will hold on, for as long, as I can.”

Olivia glanced worriedly at the asari. Her gait was starting to stagger. They had to make it to the door soon or she would collapse, and the barrier with her. 

The Locust was overheated and out of thermal clips. Olivia kept blasting Incinerate at everything that moved while she pulled out her Phalanx. While not ideal, it would have to do.

“They’re pushing, keep it up.”

“Hurry Shepard!” 

The door was there. Olivia backed up to it, continuing fire as it opened behind them. Samara’s bloomed a bright blue as she gathered the rest of her energy, sending out a huge blast wave that knocked their attackers back, obliterating those closest, including the Seeker Swarms. They scrambled through the door, Olivia continuing fire as Tali closed the door.

“Shepard. Shepard, are you there? Come in. We’re at the door; we’re pinned down.”

“Hang on, Jacob. We’re here. Tali, get that door open.”

The blast door hissed open, just wide enough to let in the diversion crew. Her team poured through, laying down suppressing fire as they entered the room. Zaeed was the last through, shooting and spewing obscenities as he backed in. As the door closed he spit on the ground before ejecting a thermal clip and slamming in a fresh one.

“We on our way to being goddamn heroes or what Shepard?”

Olivia snorted but gave him a saucy wink before contacting Joker. “Joker, are you at the rendezvous point?”

“Roger that Commander. Mordin’s back safe with the crew.”

Olivia let out the breath she hadn’t known she was holding. Her crew was safe. At least that was one less thing she had to worry about.

“Excellent. EDI, what’s our next step?” Miranda’s face was covered in blood and ash and what was probably Collector remains but she dusted it away as if she was brushing away lint. Olivia had to smile at the woman’s tenacity.

“You will need to get to the main control console. From there you can overload the system and destroy the base.”

“Commander? You've got a problem. Hostiles are attempting to break through to your position. I don’t think that it will take long for them to break in.”

“Damn.” Olivia surveyed her crew. They had been through much together; they only had to go a little farther. “Joker, you keep the engine running. We have a quick stop to make.

“Jack. Kasumi. You’re with me. The rest of you, hold this position. I know each of you, I know you can do this. You will hold this line. 

“The Collectors. The Reapers. They aren't just a threat to humanity; they are a threat to all life in the galaxy. It’s those lives we’re fighting for. It’s for those lives that we must stop the Collectors. This is the hand we've been dealt. Let’s go show these bastards what we’re made of.”

__**__

“Oh goodie. Another platform hopping adventure. I was hoping we’d get another one of these before the end.”

“Well, you got your wish Kasumi. Keep sharp, both of you. I don’t know what we’ll find at the core but I can guarantee that the Collectors will throw everything they have at us.”

“Are you done with your speeches, Shepard? Cause I’m getting bored.”

“Well, that’s about to change Jack. Let’s move.”

Olivia hunkered down behind a ledge, pulling out the Widow. It was almost too easy as the Collector drones seemingly lined themselves up for slaughter. More platforms came in, bringing more Collector drones, husks, abominations, and scions, and of course Harbinger. The three of them worked in concert. Olivia sniping at them from behind cover; Kasumi flitted across the platforms, striking from behind after tossing a flashbang into the mix; and Jack unleashed her biotic fury upon their enemies. 

The last Collector drone’s head exploded from a shot from the Widow as their platform locked into place with the central platform. Olivia collapsed the Widow and studied the structure before her. 

“This is it. The tubes all lead to here. EDI, what can you tell me?”

“The tubes seem to be feeding into some type of organic structure, but there are also non-organic energy signatures as well..”

“Organic structure? What the hell does that mean?”

“My scans show that the structure is massive. Shepard, if my calculations are correct, the structure is... it is a Reaper.”

Olivia braced herself. EDI’s analyses were rock solid; she just prayed that this time she was wrong.

“Shepard, what the fuck is that?”

“That’s not just any Reaper. It’s a human Reaper.”

Olivia stared in horror as they stepped closer to the human Reaper. It was strung up by its arms, the giant tubes from the pods feeding into it from huge injection ports. It’s gaping skull hung in a mockery of all that was human and good. 

“That’s where they’re putting our genetic material. They’re feeding it to that, that thing.”

“It’s an abomination.”

“Yes it is, Kasumi. What say you we go blow it up?”

“Right behind you Shep.”

“Commander, the large tubes feeding into it are a structural weakness. If you destroy those, the support structures should fail and the Reaper will fall.”

“Roger that EDI. Looks like we have a few old friends to deal with first though.”

Several more platforms flew in, and even though they provided more cover, they also brought more enemies. This time Harbinger wasn't fucking around. They had barely destroyed one of the Collectors he possessed when he took another. 

“Shepard! The feeding tubes. The shields are opening, now’s your chance. Kasumi and I will keep these bastards off your back.”

Olivia readjusted her position, aiming for the first tube. If she knew anything, she knew that she had a limited amount of time to destroy all four. The first one shattered, exploding in a fiery orange blaze. The second and third followed quickly. Olivia reloaded and aimed for the fourth but not quickly enough as the shield closed around it.

“Shit! Hold positions. We've got to hold on until that shield opens again.”

“What? You missed? You lose points for that you know.”

“Shut up, Jack.”

More drones flew in, coming in on all sides now. Olivia conserved her clips, firing Incinerate at anything that moved. A biotic blast from Harbinger hit her helmet, the metal hissing as it melt. Swearing, she yanked at the strap and threw it to the side, preferring to have a bare head than none at all.

“YOU CANNOT STOP ME.”

“And you’re repeating yourself,” she growled as she took cover behind a ledge, waiting. The seal for the shield on the last feeding tube finally hissed open. Swearing, she pushed her bangs out of the way and lined up her shot. The final tube exploded and the human Reaper shuddered, giving out a wail that chilled down the back of her neck. She walked up to the edge and watched as the abomination fell into the pit; she would have loved to watch it burn but she had the rest of her team to worry about. They could only hold their position for so long.

“Shepard to ground team. We’re about done here. Get your asses back to the Normandy. I’m about to blow this place to hell.”

Olivia stepped up to the console and pulled up the core on the command console. The circuits glowed orange as she keyed in with her Omni-tool. 

“Uh, Commander? We've got an incoming signal from the Illusive Man. EDI’s patching it through now.”

“Goddammit, can’t he just let me do my job? I’m busy.” Olivia spit out a wad of blood that had pooled in her mouth as she waited for the Illusive Man's hologram to light up.

“Shepard. Good work, you’ve done the impossible.”

“Not quite yet, but I will. In a few minutes this base in going to join the rest of the debris here.”

“Don’t be too hasty in destroying what we could use.”

Olivia stood up and advanced on the hologram. “Destroy what we could use? This place, that thing, was and is an abomination. Destroying it is the _only_ option.”

“Think of what we can learn from it Shepard. We can turn their technology against them, use it for the benefit of humanity.”

“No. I came here to destroy this base. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

“Shepard, wait--.”

Olivia clicked off, shutting him off in mid sentence. She had made a promise to herself that she wasn't going to betray her principles, that she would do what she set out to do and she meant it. If part of her commitment to that promise was to prove to Kaidan, whether he knew it or not, that she was still the same woman, well that was her little secret.

“Uh, Shep? Something’s not right here.”

“I’m just about done here, Kasumi. We have ten minutes to get out of before this whole place comes down.”

“Shepard, we've got a serious problem.”

The platform shook and knocked Olivia over on her ass. Getting to her hands and knees, she looked up just in time to see the human Reaper crawl up over the ledge, its eyes glaring red and its mouth gaping wide. All three of them stood there for several seconds, dumbstruck by the sight in front of them. And then its mouth lit up, a malevolent red beam erupted from it, burning a path toward them.

“Holy fuck.”

“No shit Shepard. How much time did you say we had?”

“Less than ten minutes. You up for a challenge?”

“Always.” Jack’s body lit up, her Shockwave taking out a group of Collector drones. “Me and the thief will keep these assholes busy. You focus on whatever the fuck that it. It still only counts as one though.”

Olivia nodded, too pissed to come up with a rejoinder for that. 

“Shepard, my scans show that the human Reaper’s eyes are a weak point. If you destroy those, it should kill the Reaper.”

“Understood.” Olivia peaked over the ledge that she had taken cover behind. The human Reaper was massive, made even more so by the fact that it wasn't strung up like a marionette anymore. What the Collectors, no, the Reapers had done here was evil. No way about it. It had to be destroyed. The Illusive Man could go fuck himself. He and Cerberus may have brought her back, but they didn’t own her. She was her own person.

Olivia pulled out the Collector Particle Beam. It seemed like poetic justice to use something of theirs to destroy the human Reaper. She could hear her squadmates’ gunfire and Jack’s manic laugh as she huddled behind the ledge. The platform shook as the human Reaper slammed its fist into it, a beam of light blasting across the platform. Kasumi darted out of the way, transporting herself across the battlefield to pop up behind a Collector, performing her sneak attack on it before returning to her original position.

Olivia broke cover and aimed for the human Reaper’s rightmost eye. The Collector Particle Beam burned through it, causing its armor to crumble. Before she could completely destroy it however, the human Reaper’s head bobbed and weaved like a boxer’s, moving itself out of the line of fire. Its mouth flared red again as it prepared to blast its main weapon. The sound it made thrummed throughout the core, causing Olivia’s ears to ring.

“Dammit, hold still you fucker.” Olivia scooted along her cover, hoping for a better vantage point. The human Reaper was all over the place. One would think that with so large a target that it’d be easy to hit, but it moved as if it predicted what she was going to do. Well, that just meant she had to stay three steps ahead of it.

Breaking cover again, she aimed for the rightmost eye again. This time it exploded, gushing flame and shrapnel. Olivia didn’t hesitate, ignoring everything but her next target, and fired again. The act of destroying one of its eyes caused the human Reaper to stop its weaving, giving Olivia enough time to destroy the second and weaken the third before it started moving again. 

“Hurry up, Shep. I’m running low on thermal clips!”

“We’re almost there.” Olivia stood up from behind the ledge she had taken cover behind, ignoring the shouts of alarm from Kasumi and Jack as she aimed at the third eye. It finally exploded like its brothers had. Flame, burning red, burst through the human Reaper’s mouth as it reared back as if in pain. It fell forward on the platform, breaking one of the support columns. The platform tilted forward as gravity dragged the thing down into the pit; its hand gouging huge rents on the floor.

She managed to grab hold of a cable as the platform continued to tilt but Kasumi wasn't so lucky. The thief skidded down past her, heading for the edge. Olivia didn’t even think about it as she let go of the cable and dived after her. Sparks flew off her armor, flying in her face as she reached out to grab Kasumi’s hand. Their fingers just missed as the ledge approached and Kasumi fell over. Olivia made one last grab and managed to snag the woman by the wrist.

“Thanks Shep,” Kasumi breathed as Olivia pulled her back up, quickly stepping away from the ledge.

“No one gets left behind.”

The platform jerked again, spinning out of control as another platform slammed into them, knocking all three of them off balance. Olivia watched as the platform glanced off a support beam that ricocheted them into a wall. The impact threw her forward, her head banging against a ledge. The last thing she saw was debris falling from the ceiling, and then all was black.


	17. Object of War

“Major? It appears that we are about to be inundated with flying monkeys.” A pause. “Sir, they seem to be dressed in lederhosen and sequins. It's quite distressing. We should warn the citizenry.”

Kaidan snapped his head up, his eyes focusing on Corporal Hicks. He hadn’t slept well in days. It had been almost four weeks since the last data packet from Olivia. An Alliance recon team had reported seeing the _Normandy_ jumping through the Omega 4 Relay a little over six days ago. Nothing had been heard from them since.

“What?”

“Just trying to get your attention, Major.”

“Did you say something about flying monkeys?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, sir.”

Kaidan sighed. He needed to get his head back in the game. Being distracted like this wasn't good; it didn’t matter that they weren't out on a mission. He knew from experience that shit happens when you least expect it.

“Sorry Corporal, I guess I’m a bit distracted today.” Kaidan looked out at the Presidium. It had undergone a major overhaul since Saren’s attack, but the landmarks were still there, if a bit bruised. The only thing missing was the statue of a relay, or, more accurately, an actual relay itself. He supposed having such a blatant reminder of the attack was not something the Council wanted, especially as they seemed hell bent on rewriting history.

His Omni-Tool beeped, indicating an incoming message. Kaidan glanced down at it, expecting to see a new set of orders, but there was no sender attached to the message, which could mean only one thing. 

“Sir? Is there something wrong?”

“I've got to take this, Hicks. You’re on shore leave, go enjoy yourself.” With that he left the Corporal, striding across the Presidium as fast as he could without running, leaving his subordinate standing agape at his abrupt departure. Kaidan knew it was rude, but he had waited long enough for this message. Too long.

__**__

_“Kaidan, I don’t have much time. We've set course for the Omega 4 Relay and should be there within twenty minutes. I've spent the last two hours going over all the data I have on the Collectors, studying the skills and strengths of my crew. I hope it’s enough. It has to be enough._

_“I don’t know what we’re going to find on the other side of the relay, but it’s unlikely that we’ll return. I pretty much knew this was going to be a one-way trip. I thought I had accepted that, but now that the time has come, well, I find that I’m not without regrets._

_“I know it’s selfish, but I wish you were here. Sounds stupid I know, but saying goodbye like this isn't enough. I wish I could see you just one more time, to try to explain things again. I don’t know if you would listen. I hope that you would though.”_

“We’re coming up on the Omega 4 Relay, Commander.”

_“Thanks, Joker._

_“I guess it’s time. I’m sending this through encrypted channels. I hope that you receive this. Please know Kaidan that whatever happens today, that I have been and always will be faithful to myself, to who I am and have been. I’m still me. And. And that I love you. Always.”_

Kaidan fought the urge to punch the wall. As it was, his biotics were tingling with a need to be released. He paced his apartment, trying to expel some of the pent up emotions in him. The timestamp on the message was dated seven days ago, just before the _Normandy_ had gone through the Omega 4 Relay. Did this mean she had made it through? That she had survived the suicide mission she had taken on? Why had he received the message now? It had obviously been recorded before she went through the relay. What perverse quirk of fate caused him to see this now?

She had intended for him to see this, to hear her send off. She had made her feelings abundantly clear. She loved him still, said she always would, so why was he so pissed off? Was it because he didn’t have to opportunity to respond to her declaration? Or was it because she had waited until she thought she was going to die before she could say the words? In their brief, but intense time together, never had she uttered anything of the sort. He had said the words, but she hadn’t. It was unfair that she said them now.

His Omni-Tool beeped again. His presence was requested at the Earth ambassador’s office. Kaidan’s stomach clenched. He hoped and feared that it was information on Olivia. For good or ill, at least he would have some information on where she was. If she was alive.

__**__

Kaidan walked into the Ambassador’s office just as Udina was storming out. He started to congratulate the man on his appointment to Councilor, but Udina brushed past him, his face scrunched in extreme annoyance. Kaidan shrugged as he continued into the Ambassador’s office. Anderson stood behind the desk, a datapad in hand. He was dressed in an Alliance uniform, admiralty bars displayed prominently.

“Good afternoon, Major. Don’t mind the new Ambassador. He’s a little put out that I won’t let him be privy to the information I just received.” Anderson’s lips curved into a predatory smile. “He’ll just have to learn to live with the disappointment.”

“So, it’s official then? Udina’s now the Earth representative on the Council?”

“Papers were signed this morning and just between you and me Major, it couldn’t have happened soon enough. The information I've just received proves that.”

“Sir?”

“Have you received anymore communications from Commander Shepard?” Anderson focused his steely gaze on Kaidan. He had skirted the issue before of Olivia’s messages to him, but now, under the pressure of Anderson’s scrutiny Kaidan knew that he couldn’t lie to the man.

“Yes, sir, I have. But--.”

“But what, Major?”

“It’s of a personal nature. Nothing that relates to Cerberus or her mission to defeat the Collectors.”

Anderson continued staring at him, just long enough for sweat to form at his temples, then the Admiral nodded and set down the datapad he had been holding.

“Son, you might as well sit down. I received a data packet this morning regarding Commander Shepard’s activities beyond the Omega 4 Relay.” Anderson paused, gauging the look on Kaidan’s face. “And judging by your expression, you have not received such a message.”

“No, sir, I haven’t. Like I said, Shepard’s message was...personal. And sent before she went through the relay.”

“Well, let me put rest to the worry you’re carrying. She made it through, destroyed the Collector base, and returned. What she found there, well, I don’t have the words to describe it.”

Kaidan slumped into the chair behind him, cradling his head in his hands. She was alive. Olivia was alive. He had to swallow heavily to hold back the tears that threatened. She was alive.

Once he had composed himself, Kaidan straightened up to find Anderson looking at him, his face compassionate and filled with understanding. Kaidan knew that the Admiral held Olivia in the highest regard, had ever since before he had nominated her for the N7 program. The man had an almost paternal pride in Olivia’s accomplishments.

“I don’t have much information to relay to you. What was sent is badly damaged, near corrupted in parts, but it gives us a picture of what we are up against.”

Anderson pressed a button on his console, causing the wall screen to light up. The Admiral sat down before pressing another button, his face grave.

...VIDEO SEQUENCE COMMENCING

...AUDIO SEQUENCE COMMENCING

...PLAYBACK INITIATED

Kaidan was treated to a view of the galactic core. The light was near blinding through the screen, he couldn’t imagine what it had looked like in person.

 _Jesus fuck, Joker. Are you_ aiming _for the debris?”_

There’s my girl, Kaidan thought, covering his smile with his hand. Ever polite and diplomatic.

He continued to watch as Joker piloted the _Normandy_ through the debris field, as he dodged the drones that attacked the _Normandy_ with their powerful beams. The scene suddenly shifted to what had to be the ship’s cargo hold.

“The ship’s internal cameras caught this footage. Well, part of it. There are bits where it fades out and it shifts to Shepard’s helmet cam. The first-person perspective is a little disorientating.”

“How many times have you watched this, sir?”

“Too many times.”

Kaidan left it at that and turned his attention back to the screen just to see the red eye of the Oculus bearing down on top of Olivia, the eye brightening as it gathered energy to fire it’s beam.

_“Get off my fucking ship.”_

Kaidan could help the snicker that escape his mouth. He looked guiltily at the Admiral only to see the same smile on his face. Their levity didn’t last long as static filled the screen and the scene shifted to what had to be inside the Collector base.

“Oh my holy god.”

“My sentiments exactly, Major. Now we know why the Collectors are abducting humans. They’re using our genetic material to create that, _thing_.” Disgust filled the Admiral’s voice as they continued to watch. The viewpoint was exclusively through Olivia’s helmet cam now; whatever recording devices that had been used on the previous missions had apparently been disabled by the massive Seeker Swarms they had battled through.

“But why would they make a human Reaper? To what purpose... why the hell did she take her helmet off?” He could now see Olivia’s face; blood trickled down the side of her face as she scowled. The helmet cam continued recording as the battle progressed. The view didn’t change, allowing him to only see a portion of the battle. Olivia moved in and out of the frame, swearing as she attacked the giant human Reaper.

The screen went static again and Kaidan had to force himself to remain calm. Anderson had said that she had made it out alive but until he had proof...

_“Do you copy? Come on, Shepard, don’t leave me hanging. Do you copy?"_

A garbled mess was all that followed. Kaidan tried in vain to suss it out, to hear Olivia’s voice, but all that came through was Harbinger.

“HUMAN. YOU HAVE CHANGED NOTHING. YOUR SPECIES HAS GAINED THE ATTENTION OF THOSE WHO ARE INFINITELY GREATER THAN YOU.”

Kaidan stared at the screen, willing it to show Olivia again. Or, failing that, at least hearing her voice. But again, it was all Harbinger.

“THAT WHICH YOU KNOW AS REAPERS ARE YOUR SALVATION THROUGH DESTRUCTION.”

Explosions and rifle fire sounded off in the background, indicating that at least someone was still alive. Kaidan heard the unmistakable whine of a ship’s engines revving up. He could only hope that it was the _Normandy_.

“YOU HAVE FAILED. WE WILL FIND ANOTHER WAY.”

The explosions grew louder, causing the speakers on the screen to screech. The sound grated on Kaidan’s ears, pressing against the headache that was growing to epic proportions.

“RELEASING CONTROL.”

...PLAYBACK TERMINATED

“Releasing control? What does that mean?”

“I puzzled over that one for a while myself, Major. It was only today that I received information that answers that question.” Anderson paused, sipping from a glass of water, looking as if he wished it was something infinitely stronger. “What we thought of as Harbinger wasn't a Collector at all. Harbinger, like Sovereign before it, is a Reaper.”

“A Reaper? I don’t understand.”

“I don’t understand much more either, Major, but the information I just received from Admiral Hackett leads me to believe that Harbinger is exactly what the name implies. More Reapers are coming. It’s only a matter of time as to when they arrive.

“It would be even sooner if Shepard hadn’t stopped them in the Viper Nebula.”

“I haven’t heard of any activity in the Viper Nebula, Admiral.”

“You soon will. Admiral Hackett sent Shepard out there on a mission to retrieve one Dr. Amanda Kensen from a Batarian prison. You know as well as I do Major that the Batarians are not usually known for their restraint toward prisoners. 

“Dr. Kenson was out there to investigate a rumor of a Reaper artifact; something that could prove the existence of the Reapers and that they are coming.”

“But why send Shepard? Isn't she persona non grata with the Alliance?” He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. 

“Most of the Admiralty board may like to conveniently forget that Shepard’s alive, but Admiral Hackett trusts her, as do I. And that should be enough for you.”

Kaidan had the grace to blush. Why did he keep putting his foot in his mouth when talking about Olivia in front of Anderson. He had certainly enough footage and proof that Olivia was not a Cerberus agent, so why did he do it? 

“To continue, Major, Commander Shepard went to Aratoht and, under Admiral Hackett’s orders, infiltrated the prison alone and retrieved Dr. Kenson. It’s what happened next that pertains to the Reapers.”

“He sent her in alone?” 

“You know as well as I do Major that some missions are a one-man operation. This happened to be one of them. The Batarian prison was heavily protected; sending in a squad would have significantly decreased the chances of success.”

“Yes, sir.” Kaidan swallowed heavily. He just kept sinking further and further and decided that it was probably best to keep his mouth shut. Anderson eyed him for a moment, making Kaidan squirm. Yes, definitely going to keep his mouth shut.

“The account of what happened next is a bit sketchy, even with the recording of the incident.”

“There’s a recording?” Kaidan didn’t know if he could stomach another viewing of one of Olivia’s missions. It wasn't that he didn’t think that Olivia couldn’t handle herself, he knew damn well she could, he just wished that she wasn't alone. Too much could go wrong if you didn’t have backup.

Anderson pressed another button on his console. The screen flickered to life again, the startup sequence initializing. Kaidan watched as Olivia and what must be Dr. Kenson appeared on the screen. The view was skewed, as if taken from a security camera. Kaidan would dearly love to know who it was that was able to access all the cameras that recorded Olivia’s missions.

_“I believe you owe me and explanation, Dr. Kenson. What is this artifact you’ve uncovered and how does it involve the Reapers? And how does destroying a Mass Relay figure in?”_

_“Yes, of course. The charges the Batarians levied at me are accurate. We were planning on destroying the relay, but that’s only part of the story. Commander Shepard, this artifact we discovered, it’s revealed so much. The proof we found show that the Reapers will use the Mass Relays to invade our system and their entry point is the Alpha Relay.”_

_“So you figure that by destroying the relay that will stop the Reapers.”_

_“Oh, no. By no means, no. It will slow them down however, hopefully enough to give us more time to prepare and find a way to destroy them._

_“The Project my team and I are working on Commander, it’s end goal is to crash an asteroid into the relay. Destroy it so the Reapers can’t use it.”_

_“Can that even work? The relays have proven to be pretty indestructible. And what about the nearby systems? Won’t the resulting explosion affect them?”_

_“Indeed, it will, but it’s a risk we must take.”_

...PAUSING PLAYBACK

“I take it this is the incident you were referring to earlier, sir?”

“Yes. As you’ll no doubt learn soon enough, the Alpha Relay was destroyed. And the Batarian system it was located in.”

“Well, shit.”

“Yes. The Batarians are calling for blood. Commander Shepard’s blood.” Anderson cleared his throat. “I can assure you that the Commander did everything she could to warn the Batarians, but it seems that Dr. Kenson and her staff were indoctrinated by the object they discovered.”

“Sir?”

“It’s easier to show than explain. Short answer is that Dr. Kenson wasn't exactly forthcoming about the true purpose of the project she was working on.”

...RESUMING PLAYBACK

_“If this project is vital to stopping the Reapers, we need to get it running again. It might be the only chance... what the fuck is this?”_

_“Project Rho, Commander. Isn't it beautiful?”_

_“You have a goddamn Reaper artifact set up like a coffee table ornament. No, it’s not beautiful. Are you out of your fucking minds?”_

_“It showed me a vision of the Reaper arrival, what it means for humanity and the universe.”_

_“Ahhh! Dammit, Kenson. You have. No idea. What you’re...fuck, get out of my head.”_

_“I’m afraid I can’t let you stop the project Commander. I can’t let you stop the Arrival.”_

...DATA CORRUPTED. ADVANCING TO NEXT SEGMENT

_“Dr. Kenson, step out of the way. We have to stop the Reapers, the entire galaxy depends on it.”_

_“I can’t hear them anymore. The whispers. They’re gone. You've ruined everything.”_

_“Turn around now, Doctor. It’s not too late.”_

_“All you had to do was stay asleep and this would be done. I would get to see the Arrival. Now I won’t.”_

_“Put it down, Doctor. You've been indoctrinated. Look at what you’re doing. You've sentenced all the Batarian colonists in this system to death. There are_ families _here, children.”_

_“You can’t stop it, Shepard. All you’re doing is delaying the Arrival.”_

_“Put the detonator--.”_

...PLAYBACK TERMINATED

“The Admiralty board has recalled her to Earth. The Batarians have been looking for a fight ever since we showed up in the galaxy and with the Reapers on the way we can’t afford to be divided. They know Shepard retrieved Dr. Kenson from Aratoht and put the pieces together from there. It doesn't matter to them that she tried to warn the colonies, they want someone to blame and the Commander makes an easy scapegoat.”

“But, sir--.”

“Admiral Hackett has done everything he can to protect Shepard. Having her in custody on Earth is the best, and probably only, way to keep her safe for now.”

“Custody? She won’t like that.”

“No, she won’t. But she surrendered herself to Admiral Hackett regardless. I’d think he’d give her a damn medal if he could, but all things considered, it’s best for her to keep a low profile.” Anderson paused, taking another drink from his glass. Kaidan was beginning to suspect that perhaps it wasn't water in his glass. “And seeing that she needs to keep a low profile, that means you cannot go see her.”

“I don’t understand.” He knew where she was now. How could he not go see her?

“Major, I’m not blind, or stupid. If you really care for her, you’ll stay away. For now.”

“But sir--.”

“I said for now, Major, not forever. In the meantime, I have another assignment for you and your team.”

It was a bitter pill, but Kaidan swallowed it. She was alive. She had survived and that had to be good enough. For now.

“Yes sir.”


	18. Call to Arms

Three months. She had been here three months and it didn’t look like there would be an end to it. Three months of staring at the same walls with the occasional visit to the fitness center, a crappy view, and crappier food where the meat identifier did a poor job at identifying the meat. One would think being at Alliance Headquarters would warrant better food. But she was in jail, no, _protective custody_ , and that probably meant shitty food.

Being back on Earth was a surreal experience. This was the longest she had been here since she had enlisted and all she had seen of it was the view from her window. At least she had a window. After she had surrendered herself she thought that the Admiralty board would have buried her in some bunker, especially with the Batarians rattling their sabers. Olivia couldn’t blame the Batarians for their anger. Over three hundred thousand Batarian colonists had died when the Alpha Relay had been destroyed, but the alternative was to essentially leave the front door open for the Reaper invasion.

But Olivia knew that it was only a stopgap measure. Eventually the Reapers would come. It was only a matter of time.

God she was bored. And lonely. A complex full of people and she was lonely. She missed her crew, her ship. Hell, she even missed EDI, the _Normandy’s_ annoying and interfering AI. Ever since she had “turned herself in” she hadn’t seen or heard from any of them. The only person she saw on any type of regular basis was Lieutenant Vega, her overly muscled jailer. If she didn’t know better she’d say that Vega was taking steroids, but she’d spent enough time with him to know that cards, specifically poker, was his vice. Vega also had a serious case of hero worship, one that compelled him to salute her and call her Commander, even though she had been stripped of her rank. 

She was no longer Commander Shepard, the woman who had defeated both Sovereign and the Collectors; she was just Olivia Shepard and she didn’t know how to be that person.

The Alliance had given her a purpose, a direction, and now it was gone, taken from her. 

Olivia had to force herself not to pace. Her skin was tingling, itching with irritation. Three months of confinement would do that to a person.

But it wasn't just her confinement that was making her skin itch. Something was wrong.

The door behind her swished open and Lieutenant Vega entered, snapping off a salute.

“You’re not supposed to do that anymore, Lieutenant, remember?” Olivia chided even as it gave her a ghost of a thrill. 

“Not supposed to call you Commander you either, but there you go. We gotta go. The Defense Committee wants to talk to you.”

Olivia froze, the itching feeling growing stronger.

“What’s happened?”

“Don’t know, Commander. They only said to retrieve you.”

The hallways were crowded, Alliance personnel running all over the place. Olivia studied their faces, seeing emotions run from anxiety to full out panic. Yes, something was definitely wrong.

A familiar figure approached them, his face grave and heavy. Oh Christ, she thought, it’s happening.

“Admiral.”

“Shepard, you look good.”

“Yeah, nothing like three months of regular meals to cause a girl to go a little soft around the edges.” Olivia pause, matching the Admiral’s stride. “What’s happening, Admiral?” she asked, dreading the answer.

“Admiral Hackett’s mobilizing the fleet.”

“The Batarians?” Vega asked. No, she thought, it’s not the Batarians. Hackett wouldn't mobilize the entire fleet if the Batarians had declared outright war.

“It’s the Reapers, isn't it?” Olivia came to a full stop as Anderson started to climb the stairs. The man stopped and turned toward her, his jaw set. “We don’t know, not for sure. We've lost contact with our outlying comm buoys.”

“It’s the Reapers, sir. Who else could it be? Dammit, we should have prepared more.”

“Tell that to the Defense Committee.”

“They wouldn't listen to me before, why would they listen now?” Olivia couldn’t help the bitterness in her voice. To be proved right meant that a devastating war was at their doorstep, and they were woefully unprepared. “What do they think they can do? Talk the Reapers to death?”

“They’re scared, Shepard. None of them have seen the things you’ve seen. You've talked to one, then you blew it up. You know more about the Reapers than anyone else. They've reviewed your reports and the data you collected but it’s just theory for them. Believing theory to be fact isn't easy for those who haven’t been out there.”

“With all due respect, Admiral, they didn’t even try. They stripped me of my command and shoved me into a corner because they didn’t want to believe the truth.”

“I understand your frustration, Shepard, I do, but the shit you’ve done? Any other soldier would have been court martialed, discharged, and left to rot in the brig, but your knowledge of the Reapers prevented that. I trust you, Shepard, and so does the Committee. Just talk to them.”

If they trusted her, the Committee had a funny way of showing it, she thought. It was hard not to be bitter. She’d been isolated from everything she’d known. They had essentially put her on the shelf and now they wanted her back in. She was a soldier, not a politician. Her record more than reflected that. Politics didn’t allow for bluntness and she had no tolerance for games. Not when lives were on the line. Olivia told Anderson as much.

“Just tell them, Shepard. They need to hear it from you, talk to them. I just need you to do whatever the hell it takes to defeat the Reapers.”

The entered the outer offices of the Defense Committee’s chambers. It was barely controlled chaos with officers running back and forth, others talking too fast on their comm links. Panic threaded throughout the room like a virus. They were scared and they had every reason to be.

“Good luck in there, Shepard.” 

“Thanks Lieutenant Vega, we’re going to need it.” 

And then Olivia heard a voice she hadn’t heard in months.

“Shepard?”

Olivia turned around. She had hoped for this moment since she had first come back to Earth, before then even, but now that it was here...

“Kaidan?” Olivia could feel the tremor in her voice and stamped down on it. This wasn't the time or place to hash out what was, or wasn't, going on between them.”

“Major, how’d it go in there?”

“About as well as expected, Admiral. I’m just waiting for orders now.”

“Major?” Olivia blinked at that, hoping she didn’t sound too incredulous. They wouldn't have promoted him if he didn’t deserve it.

“You hadn’t heard?”

“No, Admiral, I hadn’t.” And that hurt too. Three months confinement meant she hadn’t heard a whole lot of anything. “I've been... out of the loop.”

“Sorry, Shepard. Didn’t mean to keep you out of the loop.”

“Not a problem. Major. It’s not like you learned the Reapers were coming and didn’t tell me.” The words were out of Olivia’s mouth before she could help it. It was bitchy and mean and she regretted it the second she said it, and if Kaidan’s stiffened posture meant anything, the comment had hit the mark. Olivia walked away before she could say anything else, but not before she heard the brief exchange between Kaidan and Vega.

“You know the Commander?”

“I used to.”

Olivia closed her eyes for a brief moment but kept walking. She couldn’t worry about whatever relationship she and Kaidan had, or didn’t have. Not now. Now she had to convince a room full of idiots of something that was right in front of their collective faces.

__**__

“Whatever this is, it is incomprehensibly powerful.”

“Whatever this is? I've _told_ you what this is. The Reapers are here.” Olivia wanted to strangle the entire Committee. Even now, with colonies going dark, communications beyond the Sol system cut off, they had trouble believing that destruction was nearly upon them.

“How do we stop them?”

“Stop them? The old rule book won’t work with them. This is about survival. One Reaper alone nearly destroyed the Citadel. There are thousands coming and they’re more powerful and intelligent than you know. They aren't capable of fear or pity. You cannot negotiate with them.”

“But there must be some way...” The woman looked shell shocked and it was difficult for Olivia to find much pity for her, or any of them. Difficult, but not impossible. She wasn't a Reaper; she was still capable of pity.

“If we, if Earth, is going to have any chance, we have to work together. We have to stand fast. We fight or we die.”

“And this is your brilliant plan, Shepard? To simply--.”

“Admiral, we've lost contact with Luna base.”

Olivia turned to Anderson, her face grim. One of the communications techs brought up the feed from London. The connection was mostly static, a large blasting sound exploded through the speakers before the feed went dead. The tech brought up other feeds, military, civilian, ANN, all showing the same thing: Reapers.

“They’re here.”

“We need to get to the _Normandy_.”

Olivia nodded as the sky outside the Committee chambers darkened. Through the clouds, like an ancient horror, a Reaper descended upon Vancouver. Its main weapon charged up, the red beam cutting through Vancouver, destroying everything it touched. The beam arced away from downtown, aiming straight for them.

“Move!”

Olivia pushed Anderson out of the path of the beam, hitting the deck as debris rolled over her. She had barely stood up when the Reaper hit again, the blast throwing her against a wall. The world went dark for a second, her ears ringing. In the near distance she could hear the screams of the dying and then Anderson’s voice yelling at her to get up.

“Shepard, you okay?”

“It’s been awhile since I've had blood on me, but I’m fine. Let’s get going.”

“Here, I have a feeling you’re going to need this.” Anderson handed her an M-3 Predator. Not the best heavy pistol out there, but more than enough to take down Reaper ground forces. She hated the recoil on this thing, but it would do.

“I’m going to need you to unlock my Omni-Tool, Anderson. They shut down my tech when they grounded me.”

“Right.” Anderson keyed into his own Omni-Tool, and after half a minute her Omni-Tool hummed with activity. A quick check showed all her abilities back.

“Let’s go.”

The Reapers hadn’t wasted any time. Alliance Command burned around them. Shuttles zig-zagged through the air, trying to evacuate people only to explode in mid air. Great fireballs fell from the sky, depositing husks and new horrors on the ground. Dimly she heard Anderson trying to raise anyone on the comm. Olivia couldn’t hear clearly, her ears were still ringing from the blast, but she thought she heard Kaidan’s name and mention of the Normandy. She had never prayed as hard as she did in that moment for the lives of those she loved.

“Come on, Shepard. Kaidan’s headed to the Normandy. We've got to meet them at the landing zone. Let’s go.”

Olivia followed Anderson across the rooftops. Most of the walkways were still intact but falling debris and the roar of the Reaper’s attacks made the going difficult. It probably wasn't true, but Olivia could swear she could hear people screaming.

Drones, like the ones that had attacked the Normandy when they had gone after the Collector base, zoomed overhead, attacking anything that dared to fly. Olivia concentrated on her footing as she crossed a bridge somewhat more stable than the one that connected the Dantius Towers; it would only take a strong gust of wind to blow them off the roof.

“Husks!”

Olivia brought up her gun, putting them in her sites. Her first shot went wide. Cursing, she readjusted her aim and fired again.

“You haven’t forgotten how to shoot have you?”

“Give me a break, Anderson. I haven’t held a weapon in over three months.” Olivia picked off another three husks before ducking back behind cover, ejecting her empty thermal clip for a fresh one. For whatever reason, the husks essentially ignored them, climbing over the building and slouching away from them toward the building across from them.

Olivia vaulted over an air duct and continued fire. Her gun beeped at her, signaling she was out of ammo. Charging the husk, she hit them with the butt of her gun; blood and more splattered across her face as she pulled back and plunged her Omni-Blade into the last husk. She definitely approved of the Omni-Blade upgrade as she watched the husk crumple before her.

“Watch out!”

The building shook as a Reaper beam cut through it, forcing Olivia to dive to the side. Her ribs protested as she stood up; they had been bruised in the initial attack and didn’t take kindly to the further abuse. Dammit she was out of shape. Working out in a gym and battle drills just weren't the same as experiencing the real thing.

Olivia jerked back as a husk clawed through the door she was trying to pry open. The creature suffered a quick death as she again smashed her Omni-Blade into its skull. She held the door open as Anderson squeezed through. A sound in the ducts behind her stopped her before she followed. Olivia turned her head as she saw a shadow sink back into an air duct. 

Bending down into the duct, she confronted a pair of frightened brown eyes. The boy trembled, crawling back further into the duct.

“Come here, let’s get you out of here.”

“Everyone’s dying. You can’t help me.”

Olivia braced herself against the wall as the building shook again. Anderson shouted at her to hurry. She spared him a glance before turning back to the child only to find him gone, as if he was never there.

“Shepard! Hurry, in here.”

Olivia took one last look into the air duct before following Anderson through the half open door. Small fires lit the collapsed corridor as they picked their way through the building, or what was left of it. The structure groaned and Olivia had to step back quickly as the ledge underneath her broke off from the wall and fell down into the gaping hole. She would have quickly followed if Anderson hadn't pulled her back.

“This is a goddamn mess. I can’t believe how fast they cut through our defenses. It’s unlike anything I've ever encountered before. Every minute those things are here, thousands of people will die. I can’t, no I won’t let this continue.”

“I know. It’s hard losing people, but we’ll find a way to stop them. We won’t be able to save them all, but we will save who we can.”

“We need to go to the Citadel, talk to the Council. We need to gather forces. Everyone. We all need to band together; alone, the whole galaxy will fall.”

Olivia kept her doubts quiet. She had talked to the Council before to no avail. What made Anderson think that they would listen now, much less help?

They continued across the rooftops; waves of husks and cannibals falling from the sky. Soon enough they made it to the Spaceport, though it didn’t look much like a Spaceport anymore. The Reapers had done quite a number on it.

“Shepard, Alenko and the others made it to the Normandy but are taking fire. We’re going to have to--.”

The platform suddenly collapsed under them, creating a steep incline. Olivia tried to grab onto something to slow her fall, but she was falling too quickly and hit the bottom with a force that would have shattered several bones if not for the “enhancements” Cerberus had given her. As it was she was soon going to be just one big bruise with splashes of blood on her for taste.

A couple of servicemen lay at the bottom of the improvised ramp, one pinned under some wreckage. Their ship sat smoldering just a couple of meters away; Olivia could hear cannibals growling within it. 

After freeing the soldier from the debris, Olivia pressed on, Anderson close behind. Supposedly there was a radio on the ship’s wreckage, something they could use to contact the Normandy. Cannibals were everywhere, making their search difficult.

“There, there’s the radio.” Anderson rushed to it while she covered him, dropping any cannibal that got too close with a headshot. What she wouldn't give to have her old Widow back. 

The cannibals came in thicker waves after Anderson radioed the _Normandy_ , as if they knew that a rescue was forthcoming. Olivia swore as they crouched behind a vent tube and assessed their situation. They had plenty of cover but not enough thermal clips. The cannibals thick hide made it difficult to penetrate, even more so when they consumed their fallen brethren and grew a second skin. She was fast getting to the point where she hated things things as much as husks.

She conserved her ammo as much as possible, liberally using her Incinerate tech and Defense Drones, but soon enough the M-8 Avenger she had scavenged was empty and she was down to one clip on the Predator. Anderson was firing off Concussive Shots but it was only a matter of time before they were overrun. 

“Did somebody call for a ride?”

“Joker, you beautiful bastard. Took you long enough.”

“You know me, Commander, I like to make an entrance.” As if to prove his point, the _Normandy’s_ guns blasted into the squad of cannibals, obliterating them into piles of goo. The _Normandy_ then swung around, the cargo bay doors open. Kaidan and Vega stood at the entrance, shooting at any stragglers.

Olivia ran up the ramp, leaping into the _Normandy_. She misjudged the distance, nearly missing the edge. Kaidan reached out, grabbing her arm and pulled her up to safety. She stumbled into him, felt the heat coming off of him and quickly stepped back; forcing herself to believe that the increased heartbeat was due to the rush of battle, not the first contact of skin she’d had with him since the Collectors had destroyed the original Normandy.

“Anderson, come on! We have to get out of here.” Olivia watched as Anderson paused and looked over the destruction behind him. Shuttles flew in, gathering up survivors. Of the hundreds of shuttles that flew in for rescue, maybe only fifteen percent were able to escape the Reaper's canon.

“I’m not going Shepard. Someone has to stay here and lead these people.”

“The hell you’re not. If you’re staying, I’m staying.”

“No, someone has to go to the Citadel. That person is you. We’re going to need every species in this fight. If anyone can bring them together it’s you.”

“Anderson, no. This is bullshit.” Olivia braced herself to leap out of the _Normandy_ but a hard grip on her arm stopped her. She looked back to see Kaidan holding her arm. She tried to pull away but his grip was too tight. "Let go of me, dammit! I'm not leaving him."

“Yes you are. Go. Talk to the Council, make them listen. That’s an order, Commander.”

“I don’t take orders from you anymore.”

“Consider yourself reinstated. Commander.” Anderson threw a small silver object at her. Out of reflex, Olivia grabbed it. Opening her hand, she saw a pair of dog tags with her name on it.

“I’ll be back for you, bringing every fleet I can. I promise.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

Olivia watched helplessly as the _Normandy_ lifted off, leaving Anderson and the rest behind. She felt every muscle in her body clench as she watched shuttles fly in and out, not all of them making it. She thought she saw the boy from the air ducts but everything blurred by so fast, the roar of the Reapers burning in her ears.

“Shep--. Olivia, you have to come in.”

Olivia looked down, seeing Kaidan’s hand still on her arm; his touch burning into her skin. Looking up, she saw his hazel brown eyes looking down at her, his face difficult to read, too many emotions flickering across it. She could feel the same spinning through her. Their gaze held as his fingers skimmed down her bare arm to her hand, gooseflesh following in its wake.

Olivia looked down at their joined hands before looking up to meet his gaze. She slowly nodded her head as she carefully extracted her hand, even though she wanted to grip it tight and never let go. There was too much between them to simply hold on, but she knew better than to think that they could simply pick up where they had left off. Things had to be settled, stuff needed to be said. Taking a deep breath, Olivia stepped into the cargo bay with him as the doors closed behind them, leaving Earth behind.

They had a job to do and she knew it would only get harder before it got easier.


End file.
